


Can Anybody Find Me Somebody to Love

by Starjargon



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Anger, Angst and Tragedy, Art, Betrayal, Bruce Banner doesn't have time for your nonsense, Changed Natasha's Name Since She's not Russian, Death of Loved One, Depression, Domestic Avengers, Domestic Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Moving on, F/M, Families of Choice, Family, Family Feels, Fluff, Forgiveness, Gen, Happy Ending, Humans make mistakes, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Infertility, Infidelity, James "Rhodey" Rhodes is a Good Bro, Kid Fic, Kid Natasha Romanov, Lonely Steve Rogers, Major character death - Freeform, Marriage is forever, Matchmaker Natasha Romanov, Medical Procedures, Misunderstandings, Multiple Relationships, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, PART ONE TAGS, Panic Attacks, Parent Tony Stark, Parent-Child Relationship, Pepper Potts Needs a Hug, Protective Steve Rogers, Revelations, SECOND PART TAGS, Shunned Parent, Sneaky Natasha Romanov, Sorry Not Sorry, Teenage Drama, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Uncle Happy Hogan, Unrealistic Hospital Setting, Unrealistic Injury Recovery Time, artwork included, road to recovery, steve is hopeless with women, strained marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:34:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 19
Words: 28,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24837751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starjargon/pseuds/Starjargon
Summary: Tony and Pepper have been trying to have a family for years. It turns out, families come in all shapes and sizes, in spite of mistakes or heartache.As various avengers teach Tony, sometimes the things that break your heart the most also become the most important things in the world.Or: Civil War: Soap Opera Style.*Part 1 is rated M for angsty adult situations. MCD in part 1Part 2 is G-T rated family fluff- begins at CH 12.Now with art!
Relationships: Eventual Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov, Natasha Romanov & Tony Stark, Natasha Romanov/Others, Other Relationships, Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers (mentioned), Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Steve Rogers & Avengers Team, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Other(s), Tony Stark & Avengers Team
Comments: 20
Kudos: 26





	1. PART ONE

**Author's Note:**

> Finally! I feel like I've been working on this story forever!!! I first dreamt of it years ago, and it was doomed to my Ideas folder until joining the IMBB prompted me to actually write it out. This is the longest fic I've ever written, and the biggest stretch of my comfort zone by far (I dealt with a few of my own triggers writing it which made for some very emotional days). It is also the corniest thing I've written, so I embraced the camp and ploughed ahead. It really did feel like a soap opera of CA:Civil War, so you'll also find a few nods to it as well, especially in dialogue.
> 
> After finishing it, I realised there are Many elements in the first part that are adult struggles that I'd feel uncomfortable burdening Teens with, which is why this earns my first "M" rating for a casual story. I also feel like the tone shifted dramatically, so I split it into 2 parts.  
> ***There is enough context in Part 2 to go ahead and skip Part 1 of you just came for family of choice fluff.
> 
> Please, please, please read the tags!
> 
> betheflame was my wonderful artist for this Iron Man Big Bang. Thank you!!!  
>  [Cover Art](https://i.imgur.com/K1PBqHN.png)  
> [Main Art](https://i.imgur.com/Th7RWpn.png)

_Pepper_

_Negative._

It was as though the little test was mocking her. Pepper tried to crush her disappointment, taking a moment to breathe in deeply, feeling the hope she had briefly held fade. She throws the test in the bin, walking out of the washroom, defeated.

“Well?” Tony asks, excitement in his eyes as he stands from his seat at the bar. Rhodey, Bruce, and Steve are sitting around the bar as well, optimism in each of their expressions.

Pepper doesn’t cry. She won’t. The doctor’s said this round of IUI, artificial insemination, would have the lowest chance of success anyway.

Tony takes one look at her face then gets up and holds her close.

“Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay, Pep. We knew this was a longshot. We’ll try again.”

She grabs his shirt and holds him back, her breath shaky and short.

Just like after the last few negatives they’d gotten, Bruce, Rhodey, and Steve, surround the couple and comfort them.

“I want to try IVF,” Pepper whispers to Tony, looking up at him with wet eyes as she watches their friends mobilise as one to cheer up the heartbroken pair.

Tony looks at his wife, searching her expression.

“Yeah?” he asks uncertainly.

“Yeah.” She nods. “Yes.”

He takes her face in his hands and kisses her, earning them a whoop from the trio who had been through this journey with them from the beginning.

“A toast,” Rhodey stands up, holding a glass of wine, “to the beautiful Pepper, who will make a wonderful mother soon. As evidenced by her work raising Tony.”

The friends laughed, even as Tony gives an indignant, “Hey!”

“And may the kid get all of Pepper’s good looks, and Tony’s… wife’s charm,” Bruce continues with a giggle even as Tony makes a face.

“Don’t forget who signs the checks, Banner.”

“You love me too much to lose me,” he replies with a wink at his friend.

“And may Pepper,” Steve began, looking at the couple seriously, “get all the happiness she deserves and more. And Tony never forget what an amazing woman he has,” he grins at his friends. Tony kisses the top of Pepper’s head, touched at Steve’s speech. “Even if no one else knows _what_ she is doing with a knucklehead like him,” he finishes with a sly smile, as everyone else bursts into laughter, teasing Tony as he tries unsuccessfully to defend himself.

“You know what, Rogers? We just keep you around for your cooking skills, so you’d better be nice to me or we won’t let you make us dinner anymore and you’ll be back in your huge apartment all by yourself cooking for one and eating alone, losing that… Grecian… statue… figure thing you’ve got going on,” Tony retorts lamely.

Rhodey snorted.

“Good one, Tones.” He meets a beaming Steve’s eyes. “Don’t let him fool you. If he didn’t like you, he wouldn’t have let you rent that Stark Industries apartment and studio since the only one with any artistic taste is Pepper.”

“ _Hey!”_

“Besides, without you or Pepper here, the man exists off nasty-tasting shakes and semi-edible microwave meals.”

“And grilled cheese,” chimes in Bruce.

“I can make scrambled eggs,” mutters Tony, nuzzling a now-giggling Pepper’s neck. She is grateful their friends were here for this, even with all the taunting at Tony’s expense. She knew what they were doing, and it had the desired effect, as Pepper hadn’t stopped laughing since they sat down to eat. Tony squeezes her hand under the table. Most of what they’d said was true, anyway. He constantly told her that he couldn’t figure out what a perfect woman like Pepper was doing with a known screw-up like him, but he wasn’t going to complain.

As she turns to him with a soft smile, one of her fond “Tony,” smiles, she realises again just how lucky she is to have this man in her life, and just how much she wants to give him a child.

“I love you,” he whispers.

She looks up at him, startled, then rubs her nose gently against his. “Mmmm. Love you, too.”

* * *

Pepper throws the latest test in the bin again, shaking her head and fixing the collar on her suit top.

“I have that meeting with investors this evening, and I’m signing off on the Malibu property tomorrow, so I’ll see you Thursday,” she tells Tony, who had just come up from his lab. He mumbles what is probably an agreement as he pours his allotted amount of coffee into his mug.

“Not too much, remember caffeine affects chances,” she repeats as she takes out the fruit and granola Steve had sent over for them when he heard about their dietary restrictions.

Tony nods, waving a hand absentmindedly as he takes a sip. She huffs, then grabs her stuff and walks out, a quick peck on his cheek her only farewell.

When she comes back 2 days later, her discarded pregnancy test is sat on the island in the kitchen.

“You could have told me,” Tony claims as he walks in from the bedroom, drying his hair as he’d obviously just come from a shower.

She looks at the heart-crushing test again, before turning to her husband with a sigh.

“What would you have done?” she asks in defeat.

“Well, I would have hugged you, given you a proper goodbye, and told you we will try again,” he assures, face disappointed- mostly at himself, she knew.

She continues to stare at the test, grief at his failure to give her a child, and anger at her own body to give him one weighing on her.

“I don’t think I want to,” she whispers.

“Pep?” he asks, stopped in his tracks.

She sighs, slipping onto one of the stools at the island.

“We’ve been trying for six _years_ Tony. I don’t think I have it in me to keep doing this.” Admitting defeat tasted bitter in her mouth and hurt her heart more than she thought it would. “I don’t know if I want to.”

Tony swallows, coming up to his wife and massaging her shoulders, planting a kiss in her hair before laying his chin on her shoulder. They both stare at the damning test for a long moment.

“You are… the single best decision I have ever made in my life,” he breaks the heavy silence.

“Tony-“

“Before you,” he interrupts, before she could turn around and he’d have to admit to _emotions,_ “I was a mess, Pep. I was nothing. Well- a genius, obviously. Playboy. Billionaire. All around philanthropist and a walking, talking, big, horrible mess. And then one day, Rhodey comes to me and tells me Happy introduced him to this woman I _have_ to meet. That she’s smart and beautiful and would make a wonderful assistant.” He takes a moment, nuzzling her neck like he used to back before everything became about schedules and work and doctor appointments and times of the month and… obligation. He guides his arms around her waist, continuing his story.

“I remember the first time you argued with me,” he reminisces with a smile. “That’s when I knew, I had to have you in my life forever. And when you asked me out-“

“ _You asked_ me _out,”_ she stresses.

“Shh- my story,” he whispers against her cheek, “I thought that was it. I had found the love of my life and I would do everything to keep her.”

“Until you ditched me and went to Europe with Happy and Rhodey,” she leans back against his shoulder, letting him take her weight.

“And I made so _many_ mistakes, but somehow, this smart, clever, wonderful, _beautiful_ woman didn’t give up on me, no matter how hard I tried to push her away. And then one day, I finally wised up and married her.”

“Took you long enough,” she interjects again.

“And that smile you gave me, Pep. That smile on the day you decided to keep me. That’s the day I realised I wanted to face all my fears with you.” He kisses her shoulder. “Fears like repeating the mistakes of my parents. Of not being good enough. With you, I _am_ good enough, Pepper. And together, we are going to do amazing things.” He turns her to face him. “And I’ve always believed the most amazing thing we would do together was be parents. A little girl with your great looks and my wit. Or a boy with your patience and my charm. A baby with your eyes and my smile. I can’t wait, Pepper. Say you’re done, and we’re done. You and me against the world and the world better watch out. That’s it. But if you’re willing, Sweetheart, I’d like to try one more time.”

She searches his eager eyes, heart cracking once again as she turns to look at the test, the reason she wanted to stop staring up at her accusingly. He gently tilts her face away to look at him once more, beseeching.

“Please?” he begs in a small voice.

Six years. Six years of hoping and trying and specialists. Two years of IUI, and another two and a half of IVF, in-vitro fertilisation, and ovulation and poking and exams and negatives and arguments and disappointment and anger and hurt becoming more meetings for her and more lab time for him and more time apart than together and friends who bore the weight of their own self-loathing and pain with nary a complaint and… yet. She wanted everything he was describing, even if it hurt to even admit.

She looks at her husband’s earnest face; sees all she had felt for six years reflected back at her. All the sorrow and weariness as well as the dreams she had almost given up. She gives him a watery smile, reaching for the test before tossing it out of sight, then wraps her arms around his neck.

“One more,” she promises against his lips, nodding her head before kissing him.


	2. Chapter 2

That had been 4 months ago. Three more months of nerves they tried to quash and tried not to place all their dreams on, of telling no one but Happy, who drove them to the appointments, and worst of all, a crushing silence surrounding them as they buried their worry in work. One month since their agreed-upon final try, when they both decided to hope with everything in them so their baby would have the best possible chance. And two weeks after the longest two minutes in eternity leading to the horrible, soul-crushing, dream-dashing _negative_ that destroyed them both in different ways.

They hadn’t shared that last experience with anyone. Hadn’t told anyone that Pepper had gone nearly catatonic at first whilst Tony had burst into unexpected wailing he tried to stop, but he couldn’t when it had just been them. No one knew that once the weeping abated, he gathered a numb Pepper into his arms until she started trembling slightly until at last, she seemed to process and then the trembling turned to great, heaving sobs in her husband’s arms. Their mutual disappointment turned to mutual comforting, until they tried to give each other sad, heartbroken smiles through their tears before breaking down once more. Their pain became wet, loaded kisses, and they spent the night reassuring each other of their own devotion before exhaustion finally took them when they couldn’t bear to feel any more.

Since that night, Tony had attempted to make a heartbroken Pepper smile, joking about all the things they’d be able to do, just the two of them. Pepper had tried, she truly had, to bury the regret over never meeting someone who never existed to begin with, but despite her best efforts, it stung to look at Tony and feel like a disappointment. 

Every time she saw him, she was just reminded of what a failure she was for him, and how irrationally angry she was that he couldn’t give her what she wanted more than anything else, and it _hurt_ to face him, knowing or especially _because_ he never treated her differently. She wanted to scream and to cry some more and to hate him and for him to call her broken and to hold her and to hate her and to never let her go and she couldn’t… face him. She couldn’t face him, and she couldn’t face herself anymore. She didn’t know who she was when she was with him, but she knew who she was when she was Pepper-the-CEO. So that’s who she was. Every day and long into most nights.

Pepper-the-CEO was in control and strong and formidable. She was respected and feared and successful. Best of all, she wasn’t Pepper-the-would-never-be mother and Pepper-the-disappointment-of-a-wife. And even though she knew she wasn’t being fair and even though she knew in her mind that Tony would never, _ever_ even begin to think such things, she couldn’t stop herself from thinking them for him. From feeling that way, herself. It wasn’t fair, but nothing about this situation was. She felt herself pulling farther and farther away from him, and she hated it, but what hurt worse was he didn’t seem to be trying to pull her back. For every early morning in the office, he had a late night in the lab. Her conferences kept her as often as his presentations did, and neither one of them seemed to know how to fix the chasm that had once been their marriage. It had been that way for weeks now, and it was making her sick, both mentally, and now, physically.

She runs through her symptoms, too tired to hope anymore, but something in her pushes her to check, to give that tiny spark of… something, a chance. She clears her mind, not allowing anything, no hope, no fear, no anxiety, _nothing_ to fill her as it would have in times past. When the allotted time is up, she picks up her little stick of destiny and stares at it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter that angered most of the people I asked to read over it. Sorry not sorry.

_Bruce_

Tony, and Bruce are presenting their latest developments in clean energy in DC at the moment, and Jim “Rhodey” Rhodes has come along to discuss the implications of various aspects of their projects with the military. They have been here for 3 long days and still have 2 long days to go, and all gather for drinks and dinner in a nice restaurant on the waterfront.

After Jim declares a moratorium on any discussion of all things work, they delve into various discussions of their personal lives. Tony and Bruce haze Rhodey about when he will _finally_ ask out Commander Hill, on whom he’s had a crush for 3 years and running. He always claims conflicts of interest, long-distance relationships, and other “blah, blah, blahs,” as Tony always tells him, teasing that if he wasn’t careful, he and Steve would end up old and single together in a sad little bachelor pad playing pinochle and looking for their teeth, fighting over whose baseball team was better. It would be different, he stops Jim’s protest, if neither of them _wanted_ to date and settle down, but since both of them did, they needed to step up their game.

“And that starts with stop making up excuses and _calling the girl_ ,” Tony emphasizes, stealing Rhodey’s phone from his pocket and dialling the Commander’s number.

”Yes, Commander. This is Captain James Rhodes,” he begins, batting Tony away and ignoring all the crazy signals his _friends_ were making. He gets up from the table, glaring back at both traitors before walking away, attempting to ask the woman of his dreams to dinner. Or coffee. If she wanted to sometime. With him.

Tony and Bruce chuckle as they watched their friend light up, his smile getting incrementally wider and wider the longer he keeps on speaking.

“Our little Rhodey-Boo is all grown up and talking to girls,” Tony teases.

“Well we raised him right, best we could. Now all that’s left is to watch our little birdie fly away,” Bruce plays along with his friend.

“Now we just have to find Steve a girl,” Tony muses, nursing his soda (Pepper had helped him get sober- 8 years and counting) as they both think of their other great cuddly ball of awkward-marshmallow ex-soldier back home.

“Mmm. And teach him how to talk to them,” Bruce agrees seriously.

“Ooh. Right,” It’s evident by Tony’s shudder he too remembers the last train wreck to which they’d been privy when they left Steve to try flirt on his own. “Poor girl never knew what hit her. I still don’t know how he got from _that’s a very nice dress_ to _Nazis were evil._ ”

“Not even _I’m_ that bad,” Bruce commiserates.

“What about you, Brucie Bear? Should I keep an eye out for you? How’s Betty?”

At the mention of his best friend, he perks up, “Hmm? Oh, she’s great. Her father hates me, on the other hand. We’re… going to see where it goes, if it goes. If not, she’s intelligent and sweet and a great colleague. We’re content with that for now. How about you and Pepper? How are things for you two, lately? Any news in the baby department?” Right when he says it, he knows something’s wrong. Rhodey must have been watching, because he wraps up his call and comes back to the table.

“What’s wrong, Tones?”

“We’ve decided we’re done,” Tony explains, staring at his Shirley Temple.

“You and Pepper?” Rhodey confirms hesitantly, always willing to listen rather than lead when Tony or Bruce need a friend.

“Yeah. We tried a final round of IVF about a month ago. Didn’t take. So, I guess it’s not meant. We just can’t keep doing that to each other. We want kids, but every time, it’s like a piece of us dies. And Pep and I- we decided that time would be our last go. So… just the two of us Starks. Which is fine. How it’s always been. Who needs a legacy and family and a kid to spoil and love? Probably overrated anyway.” He tells them mechanically, still stirring his drink and trying to get the cherries out of the bottom.

“How’s Pepper taking it?” Rhodey asks, one hand on Tony’s shoulder, a physical reminder of their support.

“Not well. We both agreed, but I think that last time really broke her. I keep just trying to give her space, let her come to her own terms, but some days I don’t know if I’ll see her, and others I’m not sure I want to.” He shakes his head, and Bruce sees the disappointment Tony bears in himself at the admonition. “It’s only been 2 weeks since we found out. Figured this week away would be the perfect time for us to take a step back, clear our heads so we could think outside of all that and go back to just being “Tony and Pepper.” Without all of the suffocating expectations and anger and disappointment.”

“Tony. I’m sorry. That sucks, Man,” Rhodey just pats him on the back, empathising and hurting with their friend. 

Bruce, however, looks at him speculatively. “Tony, how important is it to you that the kid is yours?”

Rhodey and Tony’s heads both whip up to Bruce sharply. He blushes, but manages to blurt out his clarification.

“I mean, biologically? All those things you to want, seems like you two could spoil a kid and love one just as well if they were adopted. And the Stark legacy is whatever you make it. Does it really matter if your baby has your DNA if you’re his or her father in every other way? In every way that counts? You and I both know that biology is only part of the package when it comes to parenting.”

Tony stares at Bruce, and Bruce holds his gaze, Tony’s eyes searching his face even as his brain begins to process this suggestion. Slowly, Tony’s breathing speeds up, his eyes narrow, and then he begins nodding without even realizing it.

“We could still have our family,” his friend proclaims quietly, staring off in the distance, dreams he’d been trying to kill for the last two weeks suddenly back full force. His face lights up in a slow, wide smile. “Pepper and I can still have our baby! And who cares if she doesn’t look like us? Or he? We’ll love him because he will be _ours._ ” he repeats, looking excitedly at the faces of his friends. Bruce and Rhodey have moisture in their eyes at their friend’s joy, their smiles almost as bright as his.

“Liza!” Tony calls to the waitress, “Some champagne for my friends and another Shirley Temple for me!” Bruce is reminded why he’s so fond of Tony when the man indicates Jim first. “My friend here has a date with a woman _way_ out of his league, and I am going to be a father!”

* * *

_Pepper_

“Pepper?” Happy knocks on the door as he enters; she had been so single-minded when she got home, she hadn’t even set the security system against approved visitors. “You told me you needed me to take that package to- what’s wrong?” he asks, obviously concerned at seeing his boss and friend on the floor, a mess of thrown paperwork all around her.

She doesn’t look up, shaking her head before pointing to a small table next to the door. 

“It’s over there, Happy. Please, I just want to be alone right now.” She know she sounds distraught when he stops mid-step on his way to comfort her.

“Okay, Pepper. Call me. If you need _anything_. Promise me you’ll be okay.” Happy entreats her, grabbing the package and opening the door.

“I promise. Just please, don’t call Tony,” she begs him.

“I won’t. Promise.”

Ten minutes later, Pepper hears a knock at her door. She tries to ignore it, but it’s both insistent and persistent. She wipes her face as best as she can and is surprised to see Steve at the door.

She opens it just a fraction and tells him it’s not a good time and asks what he wants.

“Happy called me. He said you really needed a friend right now.”

Pepper sighs, her composure riding away the longer she talks.

“I want to be alone right now, Steve.”

“Yeah, he said you’d say that. He also said he’s worried about you. Tell you what, I’ll sit out here, and you know I’m here if you need me.”

She sees him slide down the wall in the corridor.

She shakes her head and opens the door fully. “You don’t have to do that. Come in.”

Steve stands up and walks through, then takes one look at her face and opens his arms.

She steps into his embrace and weeps and weeps.

He simply holds her, rocking her and whispering reassurances.

Finally, she’s calmed down enough to be embarrassed. She takes a step back, then wipes her face.

He assesses her sympathetically, obviously still clueless as to why his friend is a ball of sobbing misery.

“Care to share?” he asks, walking to their side table and handing her the box of tissue before sitting on the sofa.

Pepper shakes her head, furious, then changes her mind and takes a deep breath.

“Tony and I decided our last attempt to get pregnant would be our _last_ attempt.”

Steve raises an eyebrow at this piece of information. He was aware how important having a baby was to both of them.

Pepper senses his confusion. “It was just getting too hard. We felt we needed an end date- for our sanity.”

“Okay,” Steve replies, sitting back, no judgment or probing any further. Just a listening ear, something she didn’t realise she needed until now.

“It didn’t work,” Pepper continues, trying to hold herself together as she explains. “And… we were adjusting. Slowly. But, lately, I thought I felt- Anyway, he’s out of town this week so I figured I’d check, that way, he wouldn’t have to go through it again.”

Steve watches her, the pity in his eyes telling her he already knows what had happened, but this had been boiling within her for weeks, and he said he was here for her, and suddenly, she is tired of trying to muddle through any more. She picks up her latest shame and holds it out for him to see, a witness to her failure.

“I know it’s because of all the hormone shots and my body regulating and even some psychosomatic reactions to wishing things were different, but I just, I couldn’t help myself from checking one last time, from denying what I already knew was true even before I took this… this frustrating, horrible, hell-inducing _NEGATIVE TEST!!!”_ she finishes with a yell, throwing the test against the wall and collapsing down to the floor, her hands in her hair as she growls her frustration. She looks up and positively sobs with fury, letting the moment carry her emotions as they come. Steve comes over and picks her up from the floor, holding her to him again and rocking her back and forth as she deals with her feelings.

She clutches him to her tightly, her hands in the back of his shirt as she squeezes her anger out through her fists.

“I feel… like such a failure. Like I’ve let Tony down and I’m broken and useless and so… repulsive, and idiotic for even thinking that this time would be different. And now I’ve made even more of a fool of myself in front of you.”

Steve just cradles her head to his shoulder, letting her vent all her pain, before he seems to realise she wants him to say… anything.

“You know, I was very ill as a kid. My poor ma spent quite a few nights by my bed, wondering if that would be the last, or just nursing me back to health even when it wasn’t dire, when I caught a severe flu or unshakeable cough. But, she would always tell me there was nowhere else she would rather be. I didn’t believe her, of course. She even gave me a stuffed animal- Bucky Badger, my scrappy best friend, always there when I had nothing else. I made a fool of myself in front of ol’ Bucky quite a few times with my wailin’ and bellowing. And I remembered I would get so… mad at my body for betraying me. I wanted so desperately to be healthy like the other kids. I wanted to be bigger and normal and not _broken_. I figured that way I wouldn’t be such a burden on my ma, at the very least.” He takes a step back from Pepper then, looking into her eyes.

“I don’t think you could ever let Tony down, any more than I could ever let my ma down by being sickly and weak and small.”

She looks at the floor, but when she glances up, he’s staring at her with such _emotion_ it makes her breathless.

“And you aren’t those other things, either. You’re strong and capable and hold our group together. You’re so incredibly smart and witty and kind and you put up with Tony, meaning you have endless patience,” he tries as usual to get her to smile. She gives half a huff that could have almost been a chuckle. He takes her face in both his hands, his thumbs gently wiping away the tears on her cheeks as he meets her gaze. “And you are so… amazingly… beautiful.”

Suddenly, time seems to stop. All the emotions swirling between and within them coalesce and create an infinite, pregnant moment. Neither of them breathe until suddenly, Pepper quirks her eyebrow with just a hint of a question. Steve swallows, and stares into her tear-filled eyes, not breaking contact. And then he moves in first, tilting his head and closing his eyes. Pepper is still clutching his shirt, and uses it to pull him fully to her, meeting his lips in a kiss. 

And for that night, Steve makes her feel she is _just_ Pepper again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter counts change as I reassess pacing, but the whole fic is written already.

_Tony_

”Pepper!” Tony calls when he gets home two nights later. “Hey, Pep! We can do it! I had a brilliant idea, well, Brucie did, but he gave it to me and so it’s mine now, no take-backsies. Honey?”

His excitement is uncontrollable, and he’s nearly bouncing off the walls as he runs through the penthouse, searching for his wife. He finds her waiting for him in their bedroom, sitting on their bed, her hands in her lap. So focused is he that he doesn’t even notice the way her head is down and her fingers fidget. He runs to her, kneeling in front of her and laying his hands on her shoulders.

“Pepper, it’s all going to be all right now! I realised-“

“Tony, wait.” She holds up a hand, stopping his speech. There’s pain in her eyes, and she is quick to look away when he meets them.

Tony assesses her, trying to see if she’s been physically hurt in any way, reassuring himself she’s going to be okay.

“What’s up, Pep?”

She takes a breath and swallows hard, tears coming to just the corner of her eyes and he starts to panic at what hurt this beautiful person he loves most in the world.

“I-“ she breaks off, inhaling deeply before a look of resignation passes over her face. “Tony, we have never lied to each other.”

“Nah, you _know_ all the skeletons in my closet. Even when you didn’t want to,” Tony agrees, remembering all the wild things he did once upon a time to which his then-secretary had been privy. She cleaned up more of his messes than even _he_ could remember.

She nods absently, obviously still bracing herself for _something_.

“I don’t want to lie to you now,” she whispers. He tenderly reaches for her face. She pulls away, her eyes really wet now. “I have something to tell you, Tony. Something that’s not going to be easy to hear.” She moves over, making room for him on the bed.

He cautiously sits next to her, grabbing her hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze. She turns her hand around, lacing their fingers together and holding on tight. 

“Tony. I took another test while you were gone.” Now, she’s staring straight ahead, pain evident in her eyes, as she confesses to him.

Tony sighs sympathetically, scooting closer to her for comfort.

“Oh, Honey, that must’ve-“

“Tony, _please._ Let me speak.” He nods, closing his mouth and laying his other hand gently on her knee, assuring her he is there. This time, she looks away from him completely. “When it- when it came back negative, I was… distraught. And so, so angry. I couldn’t- I couldn’t think. Or handle it. I was a complete mess. And I just needed… I just needed to not feel anything for a while. Or to feel something else, I don’t know. “

There were tears in her eyes now, but try as he might, Tony couldn’t get her to look at him. A chill ran up his spine, and he tried nonchalantly to check her wrists for any scars, anything to reassure himself that this cold ball of dread in his stomach had no place there. She continues her admission.

“So, I did. For a few hours, I stopped thinking about it. Stopped feeling the pain.”

She looks down at their joint fingers, at his thumb that is lightly caressing her hand, and she squeezes.

“… It was a mistake.”

She suddenly looks up at him, pleading.

“ _He_ was a mistake.”

* * *

Tony’s brain seemed to stop working, his entire world narrowed and then disintegrated. He grabbed at his collar, trying to catch his breath. He had somehow made it to his lab, falling on his hands and knees on the floor. _Air._ He couldn’t- focus, couldn’t concentrate on anything else. He felt like he was falling apart, like his body couldn’t start or stop or listen to him. _Air._ He looked around wildly, positive he was having a heart attack, possibly dying. He grabbed his phone and frantically stamped on Rhodey’s picture before he lost control in his fingers as well. _Air._ He clutched at his chest, perhaps trying to rip it open to let his lungs expand or his heart explode, it didn’t matter.

“ _Hello?”_ he hears.

“Rhodey?” he calls out desperately, trying to focus on his friend’s voice. _Air._

 _“Tony, what’s wrong?”_ Rhodey asks desperately.

“Can’t breathe,” he manages to get out.

“ _Tony, you are breathing,_ ” Rhodey assures him, hearing the panic in his friend’s voice and familiar with what was happening. Tony shakes his head, not processing that Rhodey couldn’t see him.

“ _Tony, listen to me. Listen to my voice.”_ Tony’s eyes dart wildly, still trying to find a solution to his _air_ problem.

“ _I need you to tell me 5 things you see, Tony.”_ He hears Rhodey say. 

See… He sees a table. _Air…._ And… and a chair. He sees the stairway. And his sofa. _Air…_ And the picture of him and- He sees a frame. _Air…_

_“Now tell me 5 things you feel.”_

Feel… He feels the floor beneath his hands. He feels the air conditioner on his skin. _Air…_ He feels the rug under his knees. He… feels the edge of his shoe by his ankle. _Air…_ He feels his jeans rubbing against his legs.

 _“That’s good, Tones,”_ Rhodey tells him. “ _Now tell me 4 things you hear.”_

Hear… He hears Dum-E whirling. He hears Rhodey opening his car door. He hears his breath… _Air…_ He hears the ticking of his watch.

_“You’re doing great, Man. Now tell me 3 things you smell.”_

Tony inhales deeply, not even realising as he does so.

Smell… he smells oil. And he smells his cologne. And he smells a faint whiff of the disinfectant with which he cleans his lab. He inhales again. Then, he exhales.

 _“Good, Tony. Breathe it out, Man._ ” He listens to Rhodey’s encouragement. _“You’re all right. You’re all right.”_

Suddenly, he hears the door to his lab open, and someone coming down the stairs. Rhodey’s strong arms embrace him as he pulls him into a sitting position. “You’re all right.” 

Tony grabs his friend’s bicep, coming down from the adrenaline rush the panic attack had caused. Rhodey stands him up and leads him to the large sofa in the corner. Then he looks him over.

“You okay now, man?” he asks.

Tony breathes slowly, thinking through his answer.

“Pepper had an affair with Steve,” he blurts out when he gathers the energy to speak again.

“What?!” Rhodey pulls back and looks at his friend’s red-rimmed eyes.

“While we were away. She… She said she took another test and was so upset and when he came over to comfort her… she and him…”

“But, Pepper is- And Steve is your-“

“ _Apparently not.”_ Tony remarks darkly. Rhodey takes a minute, thinking, now aware of what brought on Tony’s breakdown.

“What’d you say to her?”

“I told her that if I were ever to make a list of people who would betray me, she wouldn’t even have come to mind. She tried to say- what _could_ she say? If she loved me, she wouldn’t have done this. If she was sorry, she wouldn’t have let it happen. I might have shouted at her. Or maybe that was just in my head. I don’t know. I told her to get away from me and the next thing I remember was being down here trying not to die.”

“You weren’t dying, Tony,” Rhodey reassures him, patting his shoulder to ground him. “You just felt like you were.”

Tony rubs his chest to try to soothe it. ”Still do,” he mutters.

“Yeah,” Rhodey empathises and sits with his friend until Tony falls into an exhausted doze.

When he wakes up 40 minutes later, the lights to the lab are off, and he is laying down on the sofa with a pillow under his head and a blanket on top of him. He turns and stares up at the ceiling for hours until he finally falls asleep for good.

* * *

Rhodey sends Bruce to check up on him a couple of days later, and Tony tells him why Rhodey thinks he needs a minder. Bruce is shocked, to say the least, and Tony watches him take in the unopened bottles Tony had quickly tried to hide when entered. But Bruce is a friend he doesn’t deserve, who suggests they get back to work on one of their particularly frustrating problems, very pointedly picking up the bottles and going to the sink to dump them all out.

Science begins to envelop Tony in her loving, faithful, non-cheating-with-his-friend embrace, and he and Bruce go on a three-day science bender.

Rhodey comes by on the third night, forcing them both to shower and to eat a full meal prepared by the Stark Industries kitchen with real, actual ingredients and nutrition in it. They’re both playfully pleading with him to have one more minute, _Dad_ , before they have to put their toys away, but he rolls his eyes fondly and tells them bad little boys get their toys taken away. By the US government.

They’re bantering and cleaning up their meal when suddenly, the lab doors open, and Steve comes down.

“Tony,” he calls urgently, rubbing the back of his neck “Tony, I wanted to see you-“

“Me, or _Pepper_?” Tony cuts him off vehemently, all amusement gone from his tone.

“Tony, I wanted to tell you how very, very sorry I am-“

“That what? That you destroyed the best thing in my life? That you deceived me the moment you had a chance? What speech could you come here to give to make up for what you did?” His eyes are focused and furious, the betrayal he feels evident in every line in his body.

Steve stares at him pleadingly, as though desperately trying not to lose everyone and everything that means anything to him in one fell swoop.

“I just thought-“

“What, you thought you don’t have a family, so it would be okay to steal mine?” Tony bites out, using every ounce of ammunition he has to cut this traitor down.

And if the way Steve and even Rhodey and Bruce flinch, he succeeds.

Finally, Steve deflates completely, his large shoulders closing in as though he could somehow make himself smaller.

“I have no excuse, Tony. No reason, no apology great enough. I was wrong. Fully, completely. But she was hurting, and I didn’t know how to-“

He huffs, his words flimsy and weak and obviously would never, ever be _enough_. He looks up imploringly at Tony, the man who had welcomed him into his home, his rag-tag family, his life. And for once, the Man with a Plan has nothing to say. No defence, no speech, no plea or special serum to fix what he’d destroyed. He makes one last, pathetic attempt at an explanation.

“She’s my friend, Tony.”

Tony simply glares at him, heartbroken and destroyed anew.

“So was I.”

He crosses his arms over his chest, looking away before meeting Steve’s eyes one final time, his voice cold and quiet and more vicious than anything he’d previously known he could be capable of.

“You are going to get out of my building, Rogers. You are no longer welcome here nor any other property belonging to Stark Industries. You are no longer allowed in my life or in my world, and if I find out you’ve been fraternizing with anyone on SI payroll, I’ll have you arrested for harassment and investigated for industrial espionage. Stay out of my life, Captain, or I swear I will return the favour and ruin yours.”

Steve looks at his erstwhile friend with regret, but he’s known Tony long enough that he’s aware he would he follow through on any threat he made. Tony can’t bring himself to care. He deserves this and more. He nods sadly, then turns around, pausing once he gets to the door.

“I really wish things had gone differently, Tony.”

“Bruce, call security,” Tony instructs, watching more of his world fly away into dust.

“Listen, Tony-“ Bruce begins.

“Rhodey, didn’t you say I needed to get some sleep?” Tony interrupts, not looking at either of his remaining friends. “Think I’ll hit the hay. Feel free to crash on a couch or… whatever,” he murmurs, making his way to the small bedroom he’d created in the back of the lab for all those times his body refused to keep up with his mind. He gets into bed, turns off the light, and tries not to think of anything at all. And if he grabs a pillow and hugs it to his chest and buries his face in it to stop any audible sobs, well, it’s his tower and his lab and his wife that he wasn’t enough for and his friend that didn’t care about him and his life that had fallen apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're fortunate enough to have never experienced a panic attack, this is one genuine way of calming someone who is in the midst of one. Please be patient with them, and only touch them if they indicate they need physical contact, which some people do and others shy away from when the adrenaline is rushing through them until they crash and/or eat.


	5. Chapter 5

Tony hasn’t left his lab in 4 days. He had half-heartedly tried to Science! with Bruce one day, had a video conference with several key investors, fiddled around in the lab for a bit, talked to his Rhodey-Boo and then… moped. He mopes most days and long into the night. He only throws things a few times and only invents 3 potentially world-ending creations, so all-in-all, he feels like he’s coping. Not thriving, mind, but… making it day by day.

Until one night he becomes particularly melancholic and restless, finally giving in to the demons he had actively, painfully ignored for 8 years with the help of a person who obviously didn’t love him because he was worthless and unlovable and clingy and that’s why even his friends wished he wasn’t around and only wanted his money and company and wif-

“Screw it,” he thinks, going to the nearest store that sells the hardest liquor and buying enough that his head would stop spinning. Or maybe his liver would give out, if he was lucky, but at least then he wouldn’t care anymore.

Knowing Rhodey and Bruce would stop whatever they were doing to come and get him if he made a nuisance of himself in public, he calls Happy and transports his contraband in a couple of large reusable shopping bags so no one would question his sobriety. He hadn’t been a perpetual drunk for years for nothing.

Happy picks him up and chats on the way back to the Tower, then comes around and grabs the bags for him, walking him back to his lab. Tony only partially pays attention to his rambling, until Happy holds out a flat package as well.

Tony stares at him blearily, clutching the handles of his precious cargo as he waits for Happy to explain what he was passing over.

“I don’t like being handed things,” Tony reminds him sharply.

“I know… But Pepper had this made when you were in DC, then when I brought it back from the printers, she told me to bin it. Well… This seemed too special to throw away.” 

It was a large, flat book and on the cover it simply read, “Proof that your Father, Tony Stark, has a Heart.”

Tony was too tired to feel things right now, but Happy presses on.

“Listen, Boss. I don’t know what’s going on with you and the Mrs. But I know whatever it is, you’ll work through it. I’m not big on lovey-dovey stories, but you two- you’re the real deal. And I believe it really will happen for you guys one day. Star-crossed fate and all that.”

Tony stares at the gift, torn between wanting to bawl his eyes out and whacking Happy over the head with it. Or tracking Steve down and hitting him with it a few times. With his luck, Steve would be fine, and Tony would dislocate a shoulder. He sighs, accepting the book before waving Happy away, eager to just drown himself and his misery.

He sits down on his sofa with a tumbler of ice, instructs his audio system to play music at the loudest volume, and picks out his first bottle. He hadn’t paid much attention when he was buying the stuff and he doesn’t bother looking at what it is now, so long as it numbs his pain and drowns out his thoughts, he’ll be happy. He pours himself a full glass, sitting back and preparing to forget this whole week had happened, when his eyes catch on the book. The cruel, asinine, irrelevant and now-painful professional scrapbook.

He raises his glass and picks up the book, letting it fall open on his lap as he brings the glass to his mouth. Then lowers it slightly in surprise. He was expecting this book to be filled with photos of Pepper and his relationship, their marriage and courtship. Instead, he is staring at a page of headlines.

**STARK HEIR INTERITS STARK INDUSTRIES.**

**TONY STARK- MADMAN OR GENIUS?**

**WORLD’S MOST ELIGIBLE BACHELOR.**

**WORLDS’ YOUNGEST BILLIONARE GENIUS BY DAY, MOST OUTRAGEOUS PLAYBOY BY NIGHT.**

**FROST, STARK, T’CHALLA, AND XAVIER: EXPLORING THE NATURE OF LEGACY**

The majority of his most public indiscretions pass before his eyes, though, thankfully, only a few photos made this section.

The next section features his stints in rehab, some very poor investments he and ol’ Charles had made when they were both particularly drunk, and girls. So… many… girls.

After that comes the first few positive articles. His charity efforts. His innovations and recouping of losses. Still girls, but even the paparazzi had cottoned on to the fact that a Miss Potts, Tony’s new personal assistant, was never far from his side during these types of functions.

A few more stints in rehab outweighed by finding out the weapons he had created to help the military had been sold to the highest bidder, and a righteously enraged Tony had visited the poor town in Sokovia that had been devastated by one of his inventions, and vowed to do better.

Right along with his and Pepper’s official dating announcement came the news he had recruited Physicist, Microbiologist, and Chemical researcher Bruce Banner to invest real time and effort into clean energy, in order to give back some of what his weapons had taken from the world. The newly monogamous billionaire had also reunited with his old friend James Rhodes as a military liaison, so the government that was so willing to destroy towns would also have the capabilities to rebuild them. He had also given refuge to recently homeless war hero Captain Steven Rogers, Rhodes’ old roommate and veteran-turned-artist, in a show of personal charity as well. Tony whips past that with a sniffle.

Then comes his and Pepper’s engagement announcement, a full page over. And completely absent are any mentions of rehab, or womanizing, or questioning his decision making, or dropped stock prices. No, from then on, the bad press is rare and questionable, as most papers are singing the praises of the reformed party boy’s achievements. The first apartment building in Sokovia lit with an arc reactor. The first recipient of SI’s nascent prosthetics program. His Nobel Peace Prize. And then the articles stop, and the rest of the book becomes what he had thought it was to begin with.

Pictures of him, and Pepper, and their life together. Their colleagues-turned-friends. Their wedding. Multiple vacations. Multiple humanitarian efforts. Their smiles and laughter and quiet days with just the two of them and loud days when he’d convinced her to do something ridiculous, and… all the days that made them, them.

He rubs his chest again. He’d been doing that a lot lately. He looks at the drink in his hand. The one he still hadn’t even sipped. 

He wasn’t a fool. Far from it, in fact. He remembered Pepper’s ultimatum, all those years ago. Get clean or get out. Her and their life together or his addictions. He chose her, every time. And Pepper, she had been so… amazing. Stayed with him through the withdrawal and held him accountable every day and held him on the days he struggled, until 24 hours became 1 week and 1 month and now, 8 years later, he was going to destroy all of that effort in a moment.

It’s not that he doesn’t know what happens, intellectually and practically, when an alcoholic even tastes alcohol.

It’s that he doesn’t care. At this moment right here, right now, he doesn’t care that he would relapse. Because this was a trusted and true ally- one who could make him forget and numb the pain and he doesn’t care that it was a giant leap back. He doesn’t care that alcohol had once destroyed his life, and that he had worked so. very. hard. for sobriety.

He was angry. Upset. Distraught. He needed to not think right now, he reasoned, as he brought the glass up to his lips once again. He needed to not… feel. Or… to feel something other than what he was feeling.

”Dang it.”

He throws his head back against the couch, closing his eyes against the emotions exploding within him. Then he gets up and dumps his glass in the sink, and calls Bruce to tell him he was leaving something outside in the corridor to the lab for him to come collect when he has a chance, and he carries all the bags with his precious, unopened vice out for his friend to pick up.

And after pacing for a good 2 hours in his workshop, he gets up his courage and finally goes up to the penthouse.

He tells Pepper they need to talk. She goes and sits on a sofa, keeping the coffee table between them when he sits on the love seat.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about, well, everything. And, I gotta say, Pepper, I don’t know if I’ll ever get over it. But I was thinking about all the impulsive and downright idiotic stuff I’ve done, and I know you always accepted me despite that, no judgment and no condition.” He looks up at her, but quickly looks back down when faced with the naked hope she is trying to mask.

“I nearly had a drink tonight. Because I felt… too much. And so, I almost made one of the biggest mistakes of my life because I didn’t like feeling that way. Then, I realised, that was maybe what happened with you. And I get it. I do.

“But I _didn’t_ take that drink, Pep. However close I was, and I _was_ so, so close… I didn’t. Because the thought of you stopped me.” She is leaning forward when he looks up this time. “So, I don’t know if I’ll ever really get past this. That I’ll ever be okay with the fact that the thought of me wasn’t enough to stop you. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive you or trust you the same way again. But I _do_ love you. If you can accept that, if that could be enough for right now, maybe we have a chance.”

Pepper stares at him, her eyes red-rimmed, and she doesn’t say a word. 

He feels his throat closing up at her rejection, and he moves to stand up. She beats him to it, coming over to where he is sitting and kneeling in front of him, reaching out to wipe the tears he had refused to let fall.

“I- I’m not sure where we go from here. I know you’ll be angry, and say hurtful things, and I know I’ll keep beating myself up, and I know we’ll argue and things won’t just be okay. But…”

Tony grabs her hand, pressing a kiss to her palm as he drinks her in, parched after more than a week away.

“I missed you, Pepper. I missed us.” He gives her a sad, pleading little smile.

She sits beside him, pulling his head to her and cradling him in her arms.

“I missed you too, Tony. And I am so, so sorry. I thought I lost you and I couldn’t-“

“Shh, Honey. I’m right here. We’re both here now. And that’s a start.”

She goes with him as he leans back, pulling her against him, spreading out as much as they can on the loveseat.

“Yeah,” she agrees, laying her head on his heart. “It’s a start.”


	6. Chapter 6

_Pepper_

The next few weeks are a mess of emotions for both of them. Tony has moved back into the penthouse, but he regretfully tells her he still can’t stomach the thought of sleeping in what was once their bed. Neither of them is yet brave enough to open the door to the discarded nursery next to the master, so that sets him in one of the large guest rooms two doors down. There are weeks of tentative looks and careful maintenance of personal space, of long days at work but civil greetings when they do see one another. Most of their conversations are stilted and short, and often include either a guilty Pepper trying not to offend or a betrayed Tony often quick to lash out with a sarcastic barb.

But eventually, their carefully maintained distance grows smaller and smaller. An accidental brush of the hand becomes a hand on the shoulder as they head off to work. The smiles remain tentative but present. And sometimes, each will catch the other staring when they’ve looked away, though all these developments go unacknowledged. Though they both feel the pull toward one another, Tony hasn’t asked again for a full reconciliation, obviously too afraid of losing what they have, or breaking their fragile peace, and Pepper hasn’t offered one, too ashamed, overwhelmed, and broken to broach the topic with her still-prickly, hurting husband.

Their careful respite comes to a head 3 weeks later with Pepper close to a panic attack of her own. She manages to hide all evidence of it from an already-struggling Tony, unsure how to share this new burden of hers with him.

She spends another sleepless night tossing and turning and thinking, so confused and anxious and missing her best friend beside her in the now too-large bed. Tony is already down in the lab by the time she gets up and cancels all her appointments for the day. She gets dressed and applies light make-up, anything to prolong having the conversation that she knows will determine their marriage forever. Finally, when she can think of no other reason to stall, she takes a deep breath, gives herself a small, bittersweet smile in the mirror, and heads down to Tony’s lab.

He’s screwing pieces onto what look like manacles when she enters, and she watches him as he stops, attaching a voltmeter to one and measuring the energy output. She takes a moment to drink in the sight of him, hoping with everything in her this won’t be the last time.

She reaches out and physically turns off the ear-splitting noise he insists is music and then stands there nervously, waiting for him to give her his full attention. It doesn’t take long.

“What’s up, Pepper?” he asks, looking around perplexed as he tries to remember how long he’d been at work. Eleven years since she’d first begun working with him and he still refuses to put a clock in his lab. He always claims it would interfere with his creative process, though she and Jim have always believed it was so he could have an excuse to miss meetings he doesn’t want to attend.

She gives him a half smile that doesn’t quite meet her eyes and indicates the extra stool by his table, asking permission. He nods, watching as she sits down.

“We need to talk,” she begins. “And it’s not exactly an easy conversation.”

“Ooh, déjà vu,” he retorts immediately, “did you sell out the company this time?”

The look of hurt that flashes in her eyes is enough to stop him from making a bigger fool of himself. She doesn’t blame him. But she doesn’t excuse him, either.

“Tony…”

“I know. I’m sorry, Pepper. It just- that wasn’t okay. I’m here, I’m present. You have my undivided attention.” With that, he turns away from his project, facing her completely, open and penitent after his jibe.

She’s staring at her hands as though they hold an answer for which she doesn’t know the question, then she gathers her courage and looks him in the eye, hoping her face doesn’t betray how confused she is.

“I- I’m going to have a baby, Tony,” she says aloud for the first time, her voice quiet, but firm, as she gazes imploringly at his face. “I’m pregnant.”

Tony’s breath seems to stop for a moment, surprise and wonder evident in his countenance.

“Are you sure?” he asks timidly.

Pepper lets out a small laugh.

“Positive,” she jokes with a sly, sad grin.

She stares at Tony, who is about to stand up and embrace her, to celebrate the dreams they’ve shared together for six years, before she watches as that brilliant brain of his grinds to a screeching halt, and he realises why she was so uncharacteristically hesitant and nervous to tell him. He searches her eyes, seeking any source of hope or reassurance that he’s wrong. She stares back with regret and has nothing to offer him but a tear-filled, pleading look.

He turns back to his project, his hands trying to fix something, anything while she watches helplessly, as though she’s once again just ripped a giant hole in his chest. She feels shame and sympathy and she can practically _hear_ the angry and disappointed thoughts going through her insecure husband’s head. After 6 years of trying, of doing everything he could to be good enough, of obeying strict rules and arbitrary diets and enduring humiliating tests and holding onto their strained marriage by a thread, it only took _Steve Rogers_ one, lone, accidental try to give Pepper everything he feels he failed to give her. Tony always tries to do everything right, never feeling like he measures up, and she helped push him back down again.

“Congratulations,” he manages to mutter flatly, the weight of his pain causing the large room to feel suddenly suffocating. He turns away from her fully to bury himself once more in equations and calculations and cold, hard, faithful facts. 

But Pepper is done with losing him. She grabs his hands. And she holds on with a strength she’d all but forgotten she possessed.

“Tony, I can’t imagine how much this must upset you. I know you can’t forgive me. And, I know it’ll be a long, long time before you can trust me again, and that nothing will be as it once was. But you’re my family. You’re my reason, and my best friend, and my husband. And if you meant what you said, that you can still love me, even when you’re hurt, even in spite of this, I want to do this with _you_. I choose _you_. And I want to stay with you. Always.” She looks up at him imploringly, her hand reaching out to cup his face. He grabs her hand when she goes to put it down, kissing it as they stare into each other’s red-rimmed eyes. Then, in an act of forgiveness that astounds her, he pulls her toward him, locking her in his embrace. “You’ll never be alone again, Tony,” Pepper promises, rubbing an encouraging hand up and down his back.

He squeezes her to him tightly, then seems to remember she’s growing a person and he loosens his grip, anxiety on his face as his eyes dart to her flat tummy. He leans back, nodding and sniffling, and holds her face in both his hands, then rests their foreheads together.

“So… I guess this means _we’re_ going to have a baby.”

She nods, never more in love with this man than she is right now, when they’re both weeping happily, before she leans forward and kisses him for the first time in over a month. 

“Yes, Tony.” She smiles at his incredulous, tear-filled, grinning face. “We’re going to have a baby.”


	7. Chapter 7

_Jim Rhodes_

“So, as you two are aware, these last couple of months have been… trying, for Pepper and me. And, so, we wanted to invite you both over and share with you what’s been happening.”

Jim is looking at his two friends, taking in the stilted body language, the casual touches incongruous with the distance between them. He’s having a hard time getting a read on them, and he shares a look with Bruce that says he’s having the same problem.

Pepper is sat on the large loveseat, and Tony sits on the arm next to her. He takes her hand in his, giving it a peck before meeting her eyes and nodding.

Pepper takes a big breath.

“We aren’t going to pretend you two don’t know what happened, and that we… had our struggles. And we’re going to keep having them. But, we’ve decided to shift our focus to the future.” She looks intently at their friends, squeezing Tony’s hand as she says, “I’m pregnant.”

Bruce reacts first. He stands up and pulls Pepper into a hug, then grabs Tony as well. Rhodey continues to assess for a moment, then gives a big grin and congratulates them. He is truly happy for them both, and he lifts his glass of sparkling cider (which makes much more sense now) in a toast.

Tony kisses Pepper’s hair, and she rests her head against his leg, the two of them a little more relaxed than they originally appeared. But something about their body language still raises red flags in his brain, and he continues staring at them, even without meaning to.

Finally, Tony sighs.

“Go ahead and ask. I know you want to.”

Rhodey and Bruce both startle at that, realising they’d both been caught out staring. Rhodey is still trying to figure out how to phrase his question when Bruce turns to Pepper.

“Exactly how far along are you?”

She looks back at him, then releases Tony’s hand and leans forward.

“That’s not what you wanted to ask, Bruce.” She rubs her hands together, eyes downcast, then takes a breath as Tony places a comforting hand on her shoulder. She lifts her head defiantly. “Tony is not the biological father, but he is going to be the father in every other way.”

Rhodey definitely knows how to ask his question now.

“Are you even going to tell him?”

“There is absolutely _no_ reason to.” Tony growls out vehemently.

The two men stare at each other, challenging. Finally, Rhodey backs down and tries a different tack.

“Look man, this whole situation, it’s messed up. I know it. But he has a right to know. Even if nothing comes of it. He… he should know.”

“Marital Presumption of Paternity,” Tony argues back. “I’m her husband, therefore legally, I’m the baby’s father. The law itself is on my side; I’ve already had someone look into it.”

Pepper takes Tony’s hand once more, grasping his arm as well, as though to hold him back.

“You make a valid point, Rhodey. And, we’ve discussed it, even if we haven’t always agreed. But, even if we do decide to tell him one day,” she holds up a hand when Tony’s head whips her direction, a betrayed look on his face, “it won’t change anything. This,” she declares as she pats her still-flat belly, “is Tony’s child. Maybe someday we will tell him or her about everything-“ she stops Tony’s outburst once more with a squeeze on his arm, “because _my_ mistake is not my baby’s. We are going to love this child- _both_ of us, regardless of how he came to be. He will be a Stark, regardless of the blood running through his veins.” She takes Tony’s hand in hers, the obviously ongoing argument paused yet again as she faces only him. “And since we don’t know what the future holds, who’s to say who will be there when that day comes.”

Tony’s face is inconsolable at her words, the pain of this topic reverberating through every line of his body even as he begins shaking. Rhodey reaches forward, prepared to calm his friend down, when Pepper surprises him by enclosing Tony fully in her arms.

She kisses his forehead, and Rhodey decides to change the subject before Tony heads further into a downward spiral. He clears his throat and asks if they’re hoping for a boy or a girl, and his friend suddenly perks up, the tension mostly broken, as he and Pepper launch into great detail about the plans with either.

The sensitive subject is dropped; the rest of the night spent celebrating and discussing the future. Rhodey wonders aloud what will happen to the company when both its owner and CEO are on parental leave. Bruce suggests the scarily competent Carol Danvers for interim leader of the company, to which Tony teasingly replies he’d rather see if Commander Hill could be… wooed away. At that comment, Rhodey playfully lunges at him, and the two wrestle a bit like the fully-grown adults they are before Pepper says she’s going to present to the board the highly-regarded Janet Pym to step in to the role of acting CEO, and she has already begun having the young woman- along with her scary secretary, Abigail Brand- shadow her. Though, she assures Bruce as the only other” grown-up” in the room, her other choices did include Miss Danvers and Commander Hill, who were both content in their current jobs, along with a Ms. Ororo Munroe and a Mr. Henry McCoy, both of whom she’d been trying to entice away from Xavier Enterprises for years, with little success. 

The night goes on as do their celebrations, which later devolve into a ridiculous name game between Tony, Rhodey, and Bruce (whose only contribution was that both Robert and Bruce could somehow be either boy or girl names).

“All right, time for bed,” Pepper exclaims, hand over her flat stomach as she pretends to attempt to prevent her child’s developing ears from being exposed to the other ridiculous suggestions the _boys_ have. Tony suggests “Virgin Pottsi” for a boy, which isn’t nearly as clever as Rhodey’s “Antoni Edwardine” for a girl. (It worked for Will and Jada, Tony complains when Pepper unequivocally tells all three men they are forbidden from naming not only the baby, but anything or anyone _ever_ again.) Rhodey and Bruce leave with wide grins on their faces and a final congratulations, and Tony kisses his wife soundly as they close the door behind them.

* * *

_Tony_

It’s not a week later that Bruce barges into one of Tony’s brain-storming sessions with his little squad of helper ‘bots, frantically trying to block an agitated Steve.

“Tony!” Steve shouts over Bruce’s shoulder, ignoring the slighter man’s attempts to push him out of the lab. “Tony, I need to talk to you! This isn’t right!”

Bruce grabs Steve’s arms, still trying to hold him back, as he explains apologetically, “I’m sorry Tony, I told him. We went out for drinks and you know how I lose control sometimes and it all just sort of, erupted out of me.”

“It’s _my_ baby, Tony, you can’t just shut me out,” Steve calls out angrily. “I have to be allowed to see them.”

Suddenly, Tony is right in Steve’s face and Bruce has let go of Steve’s arms, stepping back as the two former friends confront one another, neither backing down nor away. Tony frowns and Bruce nods and walks out, leaving the two to their confrontation.

“ _You_ don’t have to be allowed to do _anything,_ ” Tony spits out between his clenched teeth. “As far as the I, Pepper, and the law are concerned, you have _no_ rights over _my_ kid.”

Steve glares at him, crossing his arm over his chest stubbornly. “You can’t do that. I’ll get a lawyer and fight for custody,” he insists defiantly.

Tony crosses his own arms before sneering, the pain in his heart turning taking a cruel turn against his former friend. “And you think you’ll win? A man who hasn’t maintained any relationship in the last what, 7 years? Who is currently homeless, has no family, few friends, no support system, and makes an unsteady living off art he currently has no means to sell? What _exactly_ do you think you’ll have to offer my child? Not to mention, you have a history of lying and taking advantage of people.”

“I didn’t take advantage of Pepper, Tony,” Steve argues with an eye-roll.

“I meant _me_ , Rogers,” Tony snarls. “You… I welcomed you into my home. Into my life. And you took and took with no thought to how it would affect anyone else. You used me, Steve. And took the one thing I could never afford to lose.”

Steve looks at him, the conflict written across his face as he tries to fight for a child he had no right to help create. Tony has no room for pity for him anymore.

“Are you really going to tell me this wasn’t really your plan from the beginning? To take even my pride away from me when you could give Pepper the one thing I couldn’t.” Tony breathes deeply, refusing to let the hot tears he’s holding back fall. 

Steve’s staring at the man he once called one of his best friends, vulnerable and broken. And Tony hates it. He watches as Rogers straightens his spine, a sure sign he’s made up his mind.

“Of course not, Tony. I never wanted to hurt you. I never planned or expected any of this. But it’s what _happened._ It happened and it means… It means I could have a family again. You don’t know- you’ve always had Pepper. You don’t know how _lonely_ it is to have nobody. I’ve been on my own since I was 18. I don’t belong _anywhere._ I came back a war hero with no war- no purpose, no one who cared about me beyond a little good press. I don’t have _anything_ else. Please, Tony. This is my _baby_. The only thing that matters to me. You can’t take it from me.”

Tony runs a hand over his face, wiping any moisture from his eyes as he scowls furiously at his erstwhile friend.

“Funny. She was my _wife_. And it didn’t seem to stop you.”

Steve considers Tony, and Tony sees the moment he realises they can’t both win this battle.

“Tony, this isn’t going to change what happened,“ he pleads desperately.

“I don’t care. You stole Pepper.”

Tony crosses his arms again, daring Steve to fight him further, but it seems to be his pain, not his anger that finally stops the soldier from fighting. Steve shakes his head sadly, shattered and resigned as he says a final goodbye to the life, the friends he once had, destined to roam the world again, ever out of place. A piece of Tony’s heart aches on his behalf, then he remembers how deep his betrayal ran, and he locks it away again.

“I’m sorry. Hopefully one day you can forgive me. In the meantime, I’ll always be there for all of you, if you need me. No matter what.”

With that he walks out, and Tony is alone.

“Tony?!” he hears Pepper call out as she comes down from the penthouse. “Tony? Bruce came up and said you needed me. Tony- what’s wrong? What happened?”

Tony stares at the place where Rogers had been, then shakes himself out of his stupor, turning and pulling Pepper to him.

“Nothing. Nothing happened. Everything is fine. Everything will be fine, now.”


	8. Chapter 8

_Tony_

They are nearing the middle of the second trimester and Pepper still gets nauseated at the sight of an egg. Or smoothie. Chips. Chicken. Avocadoes. Tomatoes. Jelly Beans. Fajitas. Tony has the list memorised and is careful to prevent any of those foods from entering not just the penthouse, but the offices, labs, meeting rooms, anywhere his wife may catch sight of them and hurl her guts out, as he so delicately likes to say. Pepper told him he couldn’t outlaw food, even if it _was_ his building, but for some reason, after the first few times of the CEO of SI excusing herself to the ladies, and a couple of memorable times when she didn’t make it that far, for whatever reason all the employees and staff were much more amenable to the temporary dietary restrictions.

When nausea gets the better of her at home, or when it “wouldn’t undermine her position as head of a company,” Tony is always quick follow her to the toilet or grab a bin for her, keep her hair well out of her face, offer her mouthwash, and rub her back. He conspires with Abigail to keep stashes of snacks all over the office and most common areas she visits, and he’s hired Pepper her own personal chef to be at her beck and call all hours of the day and night.

Tony had insisted upon the earliest ultrasound possible, and Pepper just laughed at his excitement. He’d so far read 12 pregnancy books and a few peer-reviewed papers, trying to stay as up to date as possible. He’d learned that the initial early scan would show the doctor whether or not the pregnancy was ectopic or if there was still a pregnancy at all, and he had spent 3 days pretending to be Absolutely Not Freaked Out. Pepper had kissed him with a smirk and reminded him they would also find out if there were multiples or not, which was a sufficient distraction from the worst-case scenarios that were running around in his head.

Fortunately, after that long wait, their baby was cooperative, and they were able to hear the heartbeat pulse steady and strong. They’d had a recording made, because even though Tony was still attempting to improve foetal heart monitors and ultrasound equipment, multiple sources had declared that though both were considered safe in moderation, there was not enough research to be sure checking on their baby every day (his original plan) wouldn’t harm it, and they were loathe to take the chance. Of course, that recording then became their ringtones, and the videos taken were looped and projected on one wall of Tony’s lab.

Since he had a recording of “his little buddy,” a conscious effort already to change the attitude with which Tony’s father had approached his lab time with his curious, genius child, Tony was constantly explaining what he was doing, including the baby in his work and his life as best he could. Though he and Howard had reconciled recently, and his own impending fatherhood and attempts at baby-proofing had helped Tony see what a death-trap his workspace had the potential to be, years of unintentional hurt and misunderstanding had already made their mark on his mind. So, though he forgave his father for what the younger him had perceived as neglect and annoyance, he was still determined their baby wouldn’t ever feel like his burden rather than his joy.

He and Pepper had also spent quite a few hours in counselling, which prompted better communication between them and allowed them space to give voice to their thoughts and to air their grievances without attacking each other. “Forgiveness,” Dr. Coulson had said, “was only the big first step to healing.” They still needed time to process their pain, and no matter how they wished it could be different, they needed to accept the past as part of their journey to the future. Not ignore it, not dwell in it, not consciously keep bringing it to mind. But to learn and to grow and to remember that it happened and what led to it happening so they could move to leaving it behind.

* * *

_Pepper_

It is right at the start of Pepper’s third trimester, and finally the morning sickness had started to ebb. She could still see the tips of her toes when she looked down, and Tony had become an expert in foot rubs and back massages. 

Once they had started trying to work things out, they had made certain compromises to get back the connection they had started to lose within the last year or so. If Pepper had to bring work home with her, she would head down to Tony’s lab to complete it. If she had a late night at the office, Tony would normally show up with dinner, a small treat (they don’t talk about the _strawberry_ blunder anymore), and a few research papers or new baby book to occupy him until she was done. Tonight, she had finally finished reviewing the last contract of the night and he had sent his latest research off to Bruce, and they were enjoying a picnic on their living room floor. That is, if the amount of cushions and pillows surrounding Pepper still counted as the floor.

They were chatting about their days (mostly uneventful), Howard and Maria Stark’s insistence they bring the baby to their retirement cottage (mansion) once it was born, Rhodey and Commander Hill’s relationship (progressing slowly as they tried to balance careers with relationship), and whether or not they needed to get one another gifts or just focus on their late-December baby.

Tony is in the middle of arguing that any woman who had spent the majority of the year with “creating a human” on her resumé deserved all the gifts one could give, when suddenly he huffs and rolls his eyes in a way Pepper has learned over the last few months means he is thinking about something to do with Steve and is about to blame him for something.

“Great. Knowing that overdramatic idiot, our baby is going to be born _on_ Christmas.”

“What makes you say that?”

“ _He_ was born on the 4th of July. Literally! Now we have a little winter baby because of _him_.”

Pepper looks at her husband, thinking of a way to stop the Steve Spiral before it gets worse, especially since she knows for a fact Tony could care less in what season the baby would be born. She nods, not avoiding the discussion, then builds on it and steers it away. Acknowledge and move past. Phil- Dr. Coulson- would be proud.

“Well, we could have fun with names then.”

“What do you mean?”

She shrugs, thinking.

“Chris, Angel, Noel. So many Christmas-themed names, which I know you’ll enjoy for the rest time. Joseph, Klaus, Faith, Hope, Jack, Natalie, Marie, Gabrielle, Eve, Moses, Nicholas.”

“Moses? Really? Hmm… We could name it Frost- boy or girl. That’d crack up Emma to no end. Or Wenceslaus. Buddy the Elf. Balthasar. Audrey or Stella. Aha! Candi, or- ooh, Ebenezer Stark!!”

Pepper graces her husband with a dry look.

“And just like that we’re naming our baby John or Jane.”

“Says Pepper Potts,” Tony shoots back.

“It was that or Virginia,” she reminds him.

“Okay, fair. But you did say I would have fun. What’s more fun than having a baby named Solstice or Saturnalia?”

“ _Not_ having a child who hates us for naming them.” She pulls over his tablet. “What about Clarence: it means ‘bright or gentle.’ Or Abigail,” her face softens. “It means ‘a father’s joy.’”

There’s a lump in Pepper’s voice as she says it, and her emotions are getting the better of her again. If the way Tony’s eyes start to moisten is any indication, so are his.

“Baby Vixen,” he offers as a way to break the tension. Pepper chuckles lightly.

“Great, now our baby is a stripper.”

“Not if he’s a boy.”

She rolls her eyes fondly at him, then pulls him toward her for a kiss.

December rolls around fierce and cold and beautiful. The completed nursery is painted black with red and white lattice patterns and has white furniture with red and gold accents splashed throughout. Janet had conspired with Maria Hill, Rhodey, Abigail, and Carol Danvers to throw Pepper a surprise shower after Tony apparently asked her how those typically happened. Apparently, Janet took accessorising very, very seriously, and had given strict instructions in the baby shower invites on acceptable gift colours that would match the nursery.

Today, Pepper and Tony had the curtains pulled open in their bedroom and are watching the snow fall through their floor-to-ceiling windows, a rare lazy day to cap off what had been a hectic week. Pepper has finally found a semi-comfortable position leaning against Tony’s chest while he runs his fingers through her hair and adjusts her back pillow as she fidgets, occasionally marking equations down on a tablet he’d set up next to him.

“Tony?” she breaks the peaceful silence.

“Hmm?” He fluffs a pillow as she adjusts _again._

“I’ve been thinking.”

“Changed your mind on Rudolf or George-Bailey? Virginia Jr. would be great, and I think I can get on board with Emmanuelle as long as no one calls her Manny. That’s a woolly mammoth’s name.”

“No, no, definitely not, and… possibly.”

“Good, save that one in the good list next to… Comet.”

“ _Tony_.” She pleads, this conversation weighing on her mind the closer she gets to her due date.

“Okay, I’m listening.”

“I was thinking that I want you to make me a promise.” 

“Well, since I’m not the one who has a problem keeping my word-”

“T-“ she can’t quite keep the flash of hurt from her tone.

“No, that was cheap and cruel. Sorry. Won’t happen again. I think. What promise?” he responds. Again, Counsellor Coulson’s work: no excuses, no passing the blame, no dwelling on the unchangeable nor responding to hurt with hurt. _Progress._ Even so, it did hurt her.

Pepper looks away and starts to get up, but she does go with him when he pulls her back to lie across him again. He wraps his arms around her, kissing her hair to emphasise his apology. She lays her arms over his, reinforcing his embrace. She take a deep breath, and shares her worries.

“This baby is- everything. Our dream. He or she needs to come first. No matter what.”

“Was planning on it, Hon,” he reasons, and she can hear the confusion in his voice.

“No, I’m trying to explain, Tony. They have to come before work or our schedules or our moods. I almost lost you when we were trying to conceive. The baby can’t lose you like that. I don’t want our child to miss out on _anything_. Not our time. Not our devotion. I can’t spend all day and night at the office anymore, and you can’t hide away in your lab for days on end. This baby will have _two_ devoted, loving parents. Promise me. _Even_ when it hurts. And even or especially when it’s hard.”

Tony turns her to face him, lightly kissing her forehead before staring into her beautiful green eyes.

“Of course I promise, Sweetie. The baby will have two loving, nearly-smothering, overprotective and embarrassing parents. What’s got you all melancholy and introspective all of a sudden, huh?”

She gives him a small smile, thinking about what had brought this on.

“I just got a bad feeling, Tony. Like, what if something happens; what if we won’t be good enough? What if the baby can’t stand us or something? Or we fight, or we shut everyone out again? What if we’re terrible at this and-“

“Hon-you’re spiralling, and that’s my thing. You can’t have it,” he reassures her as he takes her face in both hands. He brings one of hers up to his lips and kisses it, then holds it against his heart. “Pepper- the two of us are going to be _amazing_ parents. You are my complement, my guide, and my match in every single way. You are the one thing I can’t live without. I don’t _have_ anyone but you.”

She looks at him, her eyes wet, (as they constantly are, these days) and entwines his fingers with hers over their baby.

“You do now.”

They smile at one another before he slides down her torso, aiming the words at her extended belly.

“You hear that, baby? Daddy’s going to make sure you know just how important you are to him. And you are going to have the most love and best family anyone could ever ask for.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of dramatic license was taken for all medical situations, procedures, and doctor & nurse reactions in this fic.

_Tony_

It’s early morning when Pepper goes into labour. She’s breathing deeply as the first contractions first begin, and he can see her mentally preparing herself for the hours to come. She is calmly instructing Tony to call Happy to load the bags and gear and call the hospital, and is grinning so widely he has to kiss her before he restarts his very reasonable panicked babbling as he prepares to meet their baby. They pace around the penthouse, nervously giggling and checking the nursery again and again, Tony holding her steady as she alternately walks and sits while they wait until the labour has progressed enough to leave late in the evening.

“So, I know we never really agreed on where we came down on the gifts thing, so I got you something,” Tony tells her. He holds out a small box. 

“Oh, Tony,” she sniffles as she reaches for it, “Your gift isn’t coming until later, after the baby is born,” she explains through tears.

“That’s okay. I just wanted you to have something nice while you’re busy with the whole, you know, pushing a person out of you thing.”

“Oh, Tony, it’s beautiful,” she says reverently, lifting the delicate necklace up. She takes his hand as another contraction hits, and he rubs her back and counts her through it. When it’s over, she holds the necklace up for him to put on her. She holds up the charm and looks at him inquisitively. It’s in the shape of a face of a compass.

He grins and holds up another box. Within it is a necklace with much smaller chain, only the charm on it an arrow.

“For the baby. The arrow points to you. It’s always you, Pep. You’re my guide, and now you can be the baby’s.”

She snuffles and smiles, pulling him into a passionate kiss before pulling away with a grimace. After he’s counted out the contraction, he helps her stand.

“Yup, that’s the signal. Time to go meet our son or daughter.”

* * *

Her water breaks as soon as they’re admitted into their room. He helps her clean up and use the toilet, then helps her sit or stand or walk as her body dictates, helping her shuffle her way to the toilet a few more times and even cleaning her face when she gets sick. During the increasingly shorter breaks between contractions, Tony and she share smiles and laugh at something they had both begun to believe would never happen.

When it’s time to push, all Tony can think is “ _she’s invincible,”_ as he watches her bear down over and over again, compelling their child into the world. She briefly caresses her new necklace and then reaches for his hand and he encourages her, reminding her of the best gift either of them could imagine about to come into the world. She nods and gives him a strained smile and cries and pushes her way through it, until finally they hear the most beautiful sound in the world as their baby cries for the very first time. She begs to see her baby, and they allow Tony to lay the delicate, perfect person on her chest. Pepper breathes heavily, smiles a wide, enamoured smile, then softy whispers, “Hello, you.”

And then she passes out.

Tony carefully lifts the baby and calls her name, right when all chaos breaks loose. The doctor and nurses push him aside and begin to try to resuscitate Pepper. He asks what happened and nobody answers, too focused on saving the woman on the bed. He stands there helpless and holds his baby to himself protectively until a nurse comes and takes that from him as well, and he’s alone once more.

He hears words like _post-partum haemorrhage,_ and _cardiac arrest,_ but it’s the words _blood transfusion_ that gets him out of his mounting panic long enough to offer his own blood. 

“Take mine!” he tells the staff frantically, holding out his arm. “We’re both AB-. We match. Please, you have to save her! She’s everything. We belong together. Please, just let me help! I can fix this. She and I are both AB-, just take everything if it will help her!”

* * *

In the end, it doesn’t help her. Not enough. They inform him that only machines are keeping her alive now, and he laughs bitterly at the irony. Machines he understood. Machines were his ever-faithful friends. Machines are all that stand between Pepper _here_ and Pepper _gone._ And if he ever knew his wife, he knew more than anything she wouldn’t want a life that a machine was living _for_ her.

With a look of pity, they’d given him the baby back a little while ago. Healthy and strong. Perfect. He hugs his child to his chest and prepares to say one last goodbye to the love of his life.

When he gets to her room, he hears the slow _bleep… bleep… bleep_ of the heart monitors lying to him, promising that her heart was still just as big and strong as it ever was, that she would be okay. He knows there is no hope now, that the doctors had done everything in their power and that she wouldn’t wake up, but he had to believe she would hear him. She always listened to him, even when she didn’t need to, even when others brushed him off, even when he didn’t deserve her. So, he did one of the things he knew he did best and spoke.

“Pepper? Honey, it’s me. And I know this is pretty bad right now, but I know you, and you wouldn’t leave this poor kid with only _me_ as a role model, would you, Pep? Pepper?” he grimaces through his tears, reaching for her hand, hoping for one last miracle, “I need you to stay. You promised you would stay with me, remember? And I need you. _We_ need you. So, stay with us, Pep. Please, don’t leave me. I take everything back. All of it. I forgive you. I love you. I trust you. Hon, stay with us. You promised me, Pepper. _You_ promised _me_ I’d never be alone again. Look, Honey,” he holds up the baby as an offering, hoping if she won’t stay for him, then, “Look at what you did, Pepper. Natasha Abigail Stark. She’s perfect. Just like her mother. She needs you. _I_ need you. _Please,_ Sweetheart.”

As if she was holding on only to find out if they had a son or daughter, the sadistic machines around them stop making multiple, erratic beeps, before fading into one, long dooming toll.

They’d taken off her necklace. Tony picks it up, tears streaking uninhibitedly down his cheeks as he lifts her precious hand to his face, leaning into one last caress, before he kisses her hand and closes her fingers around the necklace, exchanging his final gift for hers.

He hugs Natasha to him, kissing her soft, precious little head as he rocks back and forth, weeping as they both say goodbye.

“Merry Christmas, Pep.”


	10. Chapter 10

_Bruce_

Everyone is concerned about Tony. Except, apparently, Tony. The housekeepers have confided that he doesn’t eat, and he barely sleeps- and _they_ had known his penchant for science benders. Happy calls in Rhodey and Bruce explaining it had gotten so bad he’d offered to take the baby for an hour or two just so his boss could get some decent food or maybe grab a nap, only to be vehemently thrown out.

It’s worse than they were expecting when they see him. He looks exhausted, the bags under his eyes dark and large. He obviously hasn’t showered since the funeral. Looking at the crazed man in front of them, Bruce steps forward, offering to hold the baby in his arms. Tony seems to register their presence when he sees Bruce’s outstretched hand, and on instinct he clings to Natasha harder, Bruce or Rhodey would ever dare harm her. He starts to rock her back and forth, trying to calm the now-wailing infant who senses her father’s distress.

Seeing this reaction, Bruce, and judging by his face Rhodey as well, has immediately had enough.

“Tony,” Rhodey sighs before continuing, “taking care of a baby is exhausting. For anyone. Taking care of a baby _alone_ , especially after everything you’ve been through- that’s just punishment, man.”

Tony looks toward Rhodey, seeming in a daze.

“I’m all she has left,” he finally croaks out, his voice quiet and unused. He looks down at his baby girl, and for a moment, his face lights up and Bruce sees his friend buried under all the fatigue and pain.

He steels himself, knowing how his next suggestion will be received.

“Tony, I know you don’t want to, but would you ever consider calling-“

“ _No_ ,” is the low and dangerous answer, as Tony begins now to bounce his daughter lightly.

Rhodey reaches out, laying a gentle hand on their friend’s shoulder.

“I think you need to, Tones. This is _really_ not fair to him now, and it’s not fair to her.”

A dangerous look passes over Tony’s face before he glares at them both, his anger and hurt palpable and focused.

“You _really_ want to get into what is and isn’t _fair?_ The _years_ of trying and failing wasn’t fair. Getting what I dreamt of only through betrayal _wasn’t fair._ Finding my way back to my wife only to lose her again _wasn’t fair._ My daughter,“ He looks at the little girl again, a faint smile coming to his face at last, and Bruce’s heart breaks for him once again. “I don’t deserve her. But I have her. You won’t make me give her up. I won’t do it. _No one_ is going to take her from me.” He scowls at the two of the now, defiant and daring them to argue.

But Tony had walked with Bruce through some of the worst times in his life, and Tony and Rhodey had been friends for most of their lives. So, if he really thought threats and anger, especially when he was in this much visible pain, was going to scare either of them off, he really wasn’t as smart as he claimed to be.

Bruce leans forward, carefully laying a hand on Tony’s knee. He smiles at the baby when Tony tentatively holds her up for inspection, reaching out and gently stroking a finger down her tiny face. She has Pepper’s eyes, and Bruce feels a sharp pain run through him upon seeing them. Then he leans back and nods in her direction.

“You said you wanted the best for her,” he reminds Tony. “Well, she still has another parent who loves her fully, unconditionally, and wants to be a part of her life. Isn’t _that_ the best for her?”

Tony looks away before he grumbles, “I _don’t_ want him in my life.”

“This isn’t about your life, it’s about hers,” Bruce argues. “She’s already lost a parent. Don’t let your pride force her to lose another.” Tony jerks back as though struck, but Bruce continues, though he softens his voice. “Look, if you can honestly tell me that his being in her life would be bad _for her_ , I won’t ever mention it again. But, if you think he can be good for her, that he has something to offer, even a little bit, then don’t you _dare_ take that away from her.”

Tony starts to protest, so Rhodey picks up Bruce’s argument.

“Besides, Pepper wanted the baby to have the devotion of two parents, remember? I know it’s not what she meant, but it’s still something, you know? And I know she didn’t want you to be alone. She never wanted that, Tony.”

* * *

_Tony_

By the time they leave, they had bullied Tony into sleeping for two hours straight, eating a full meal, and showering and changing his clothes. When he goes to check on Natasha, she is sleeping peacefully. He smiles just looking at her and sits rocking in the chair in her room, just thinking for a long time, until she stirs.

When he gathers her up and wearily goes to prepare her bottle, he discusses the situation with her.

“We can do this, can’t we, Little Buddy? We don’t need some stinky old army man coming in and ruining everything, do we?”

She refuses to answer him, so he offers her the bottle and sits down on his spot on the sofa. She nuzzles into him a little, then again, and he frowns at her a moment before he can’t help but let out a miserable chuckle.

“Does Daddy smell different now that he’s clean? Sorry, baby girl. I guess you’ve been getting the stinky old engineer lately, haven’t you?” He blinks away the exhaustion and slight prickling at the corner of his eyes and kisses her tiny hand, giving her a heartbroken grin. “But that’s going to change now. You’re going to get the clean, semi-rested Daddy you deserve. A Daddy Mark 2 if you will. I promise. I’ll figure this out.” He brings her petite body up to burp her, inhaling her new-baby scent. “Yeah. We can do this. We have to. We don’t have anyone else.”

She spits up on him just then. He nods, throwing his head back dramatically to the meet the back of the sofa and rubs a hand over his face.

“Yeah, I know. I know. Traitor. You were supposed to be on my side. Figures you’d side with him.”

He wipes at her delicate little mouth and takes the burp cloth off his shoulder. Then he sighs.

“Okay. Best case, worst case scenario,” he compromises. She looks up at him, her hazy vision searching for the sound of his voice. “There would have to be conditions. Rules. I call the shots.” A small rumbling followed by a too-potent odour means she needs a change. “Okay, _you_ call the shots, but I think of the shots,” he parries back.

When she’s won her argument and is clean and asleep and content once more, he caresses her cheek with a single finger as she lies in her bassinet.

“I love you, Kiddo. You know that. Even more than I hate him.” He sighs, defeated. “I guess that’s what it was always going to come down to, wasn’t it?”

He leans down to kiss her head, then calls Happy and tells him he’d like to take him up on his offer.


	11. Chapter 11

_Steve_

Steve comes with nothing but 2 packed duffels and holding an old, ratty stuffed badger that has traces of a faded star on one arm. Tony opens the door with a sneer, looking at the badger curiously before letting Steve in.

“This way,” he instructs, in lieu of greeting. He shows him to the large guest room with an attached bathroom. Natasha’s nursery lays between Tony’s room and Steve’s, which surprises Steve at first but then he realises it would be useless to invite him to help with the baby if he wasn’t in a position to _help_ with the baby.

_That_ conversation had been tense and succinct, and Tony had nearly broken down on the phone to call the man he once considered a friend to tell him that his wife was dead (his voice trembling and quiet as he spoke those words) and then to ask for his help.

_“I’m sorry, Tony.”_

_“I don’t need your sorrow, Rogers. I need- my baby needs more than I can give alone. Let’s get this straight: I don’t want you here, I don’t forgive you, I’m not sorry, and if Rhodey wasn’t threatening me with calling you himself, I wouldn’t bother. So. I have extra rooms here. Apparently, you are living out of hotel rooms and cheap apartments. If you feel like giving up the life of the pathetic nomad, you could move in here and be a second set of hands. According to Bruce, I need more than 30 minutes sleep at a time. But I warn you, the way this kid wakes up, even with two of us you won’t get much more than that.”_

_…._

_“So?” he prompted, impatiently._

_Steve looks around his motel room, the few possessions he had managed to keep scattered about. “I’ll be there tomorrow morning,” he promised, then he hung up quickly, trying to deal with the warring emotions of excitement at the chance of seeing and_ raising _his baby, and a deep, deep grief for the loss of Pepper._

Tony watches him put his meagre belongings on the bed, then turns and leads him to the nursery. He picks up the wiggling infant and holds her up for Steve to see before placing a possessive kiss on her head. He heads over to the changing table with her while he explains “the rules.”

“Here’s the deal, Rogers. This is _my_ daughter.” And Steve feels a jolt of resentment at the claim before he pushes it down. “Legally, she is mine. Rightfully, she is mine, and in every way that counts, she is mine. You try to take her from me, or hurt her in _any_ way, I will destroy you. And believe me, I know how.”

He glares up at Steve, and the looks of betrayal and pain that pass between them is almost enough to break both men down.

“I would never do that, Tony,” Steve promises quietly, hurt that it had come to this.

Tony stares at the now-clean baby, unconsciously twirling the ring that still rests on his left hand.

“Yeah, well, there are a lot of things I thought you would never do.” He shakes his head slightly, heading back to the bassinette to put the now-sleeping child back down.

“You are here to help raise her and to love her. You aren’t here to be my friend or to confuse her with lies. Is that understood?”

Steve assesses him, and he watches Tony try not to squirm.

In all the years they had known each other, Steve had seen this man drunk and out of control, carefree and in love, stressed and overtired and happy and sarcastic and angry. But this, this desperate, sad, and fearful Tony with rage simmering just below the surface, this Tony was new. Steve had no doubt he would do anything to protect this child, this last reminder of the love of his life, the hope he’d spent years working toward. He also knew that Tony loved the baby far more than Tony once thought himself capable.

But Steve had loved the baby from the moment Bruce had let slip he was going to be a father. He’d loved her before he knew anything about her other than she was _his_ \- that he still had _someone_ out there. And now he’d seen her, even from a distance, and he knew he’d never, _ever_ let anything else cause her pain. Including taking her from someone so clearly devoted to her well-being he would invite a man he saw as an enemy into his home in the hope of filling some of the hole where her mother should have been. She was Steve’s family, and Tony was _her_ family, so Steve could take any clever little quip Tony thought he could dish out, including possessive claims he was _almost_ sure he could fight. Because now that Steve was finally with his baby, his _daughter,_ he realised with a little jolt of pleasure, he was here to stay.

So, he nodded.

“I understand, Tony. I won’t take her. You have my word, even if you don’t believe it.”

Tony considers him for a long moment, then gives a small nod before heading out the door, indicating Steve should follow.

“Okay. Her name is Natasha. I am Daddy and you are Steve or Mr. Rogers or Captain for all I care. She comes first and foremost. Disappoint her and I kill you.”

“So, you’ve said,” Steve reminds him drily.

“So, I meant,” Tony huffs, perfectly serious. He always gets agitated when he feels he’s being mocked somehow. “Come on. Let me show you where everything is now.”

* * *

Later that day, Steve finally gets the chance to see Natasha alone. He reverently takes her from the bassinette and examines each of her perfect features carefully, holding her exactly as Tony had explained in excruciating detail earlier that day.

He can’t believe something so small could take up such a big space in his heart already. She had Pepper’s eyes, a dusting of Pepper’s hair, even Pepper’s nose, and for a moment, Steve closed his eyes and grieved anew at the loss of his friend- one of the first people to see him as a _person_ , rather than an Army Captain all those years ago. He sat and breathed in the baby’s fresh scent and thought back to when Rhodey had introduced him to his best friend and his wife so long ago, and he _missed_ her. He had never been in love with Pepper, but he had loved her as a good friend and one of the most stable people in his life for a long time, who had been there for him when he was lost and hurt and whose kindness and generosity had led to the Stark endowment and a position in not only their company, but their lives. Steve took a deep breath, silently thanking Pepper for helping him find a family one more time, and said a quiet goodbye to her, not wanting his first meeting with Natasha to be marred with tears he had no right to cry.

Then he opens his eyes and looks at his daughter, who looks back at him, and he smiles. It was the first, open, true smile he’s worn in over a year.

“Hi, baby girl,” he whispers reverentially. “I’m your… Uncle Steve. And I’m never leaving you again.”

_END PART 1_


	12. PART TWO

_Tony_

Tony was tucking his giggling girl in, tickling her as he went through the _bedtime_ _inquisition._

“Wash your face?”

“Yes,” she said with sly smile.

“Brush your teeth?”

“Yes.”

“Clean behind your ears.”

“Yes.”

“Are you fibbing about that last one?”

“… maybe.”

“Ha! Dad sense!” he shouts triumphantly, tickling her harder.

“Uncle Steve says I don’t _really_ have to wash behind my ears if I already did in the shower.”

“Well, did you do it in the shower?” he asks with a knowing grin.

She looks down and presses her lips together.

“I forgot.” Tony leans down and blows on her stomach, making her shriek with laughter.

“This is why Uncle Steve has dirty ears,” he confides in his little buddy.

She lifts a finger to her lips, indicating it should remain their secret as she continues to giggle.

He kneels on one side of her bed, stroking her hair as she calms down. She reaches out her still-tiny hand for his and stares seriously into his eyes.

“Tell me a Mommy story,” she begs.

“A Mommy story. Hmm.” He kisses her little hand as he thinks of a Pepper story that he hasn’t shared with her yet. That doesn’t involve her cleaning up a mess a 5-year-old shouldn’t hear about.

“One time, Mommy and Daddy were out for a drive, and a car hit Daddy’s side.”

“Oh no, Daddy!”

“I know! But Mommy reacted so very fast, she reached over and covered me with her own body.”

“She rescued you!”

“Always. And she did get a big scrape on her side and some bumps on her head, but what was most amazing was what she did for the kid driving the other car.”

“What did she do?”

“Well, this young man, Don, had taken his dad’s car without permission, and he and his younger brother were driving too fast and he couldn’t stop, so he turned the car so his brother wouldn’t get hurt, but his leg got crushed. And instead of getting mad at him for crashing into us and for hurting her, Mommy convinced Daddy to help him with his leg.”

“Of course she did,” Natasha nodded confidently excitedly.

“So, that’s how Daddy’s company got into prosthetics, because Mommy was such a kind and generous woman.”

“And beautiful,” Natasha helped.

“She was the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

“And strong.”

“So very strong. I don’t think there was anything she couldn’t do.”

“And very, very smart.”

“The very smartest. Just like you. And she loved you so, so very much, even though she only got to see you once.” His voice lowers at that last part. Natasha doesn’t like the look in her daddy’s eyes, though, so she reaches a little hand up to touch his face.

He smiles. He always smiles for her.

“So, are you ready for school tomorrow?”

“Wanda and Janet helped me pick my clothes, and Rhodey teached me how to set off the fire alarm, just in case,” she beckons Tony closer, whispering. “I think Wanda likes Uncle Steve.”

When Tony went back to work full-time and Steve had gotten 3 commissions at once with the possibility of more, they had decided to hire a student named Wanda as a part-time nanny for Natasha. Steve wanted to go through an agency, but Tony had wanted Wanda, whom he had met through Charles Xavier. She was the first in her family to go to school, and after meeting her hyperactive, troublemaking twin brother and homicidal-looking father, he decided the kid could use a break. Tony paid for her schooling and Wanda was a good influence on Natasha. Mostly. But even Tony could see how she hero-worshipped Steve. Tony had tried to convince him to ask her out on a date to which he had simply replied, “She’s a kid, Tony.”

“Well, what have I told you about Uncle Steve and dating?”

She shakes her head in pity, having seen for herself the blunder he made of trying to ask Janet’s new assistant, Darcy, on a date once.

“He’s great with the words until faced with a beautiful woman.”

Tony smiles as her little shoulders shrug in disappointment.

“Yup.”

She nods, then bites her lip nervously.

“Are you and Uncle Steve going to take me to school?”

Tony huffs. “What kind of question is that? Was there ever any doubt?”

“No, it’s just… I know I’m smart like you and Mommy, but what if I’m not smart enough? What if I don’t make any friends? What if I’m weird and nobody likes me?”

“Impossible,” Steve says confidently, striding in and kneeling on her other side before kissing her head. “Everyone will love you. They’d be crazy not to.”

She nods timidly, but then her lip quivers as she looks between the two men.

“But what if I miss you too much?” she whispers.

“Well, that’s why you can take Bucky Badger with you.” Steve answers, picking up the well-worn animal on her bed and handing it to her for a snuggle. “He’s brave and ready for anything. And he’ll look out for you, just like he did for me when I was your age.”

Tony shakes his head lightly as Steve and Natasha have one of their silent conversations, but he gives her a reassuring smile when she looks back to him.

“Okay,” she decides bravely, hugging her badger to her tightly as she nestles down into her covers. “I think I’ll be ready. Good night, Daddy,” she says, releasing one arm for a tight hug around his neck. Then she switches arms and hugs Steve. “Good night, Uncle Steve.”

“Night, Kiddo.”

“Night, Nat.”

They walk out of her room after, turning off the lights and allowing the glow-in-the-dark superhero stickers on the ceiling to offer her their comfort (she was obsessed with Batman, Superman, and Black Canary these days, though she’d recently decided Green Arrow was pretty cool too).

They amble to the lounge, where they both collapse onto different sofas, contemplating the passage of time and how quickly their girl was growing. It seemed like just last week that Steve was moving in here and their whole lives were utterly and radically changed by the presence of someone still too young to smile, yet had stolen both their hearts and united them in a way nothing else ever could.

* * *

_5 years ago_

_Tony woke abruptly, reaching for someone who was no longer there. When he caught his breath and remembered she was never coming back, he got out of bed to go check on the baby and reassure his aching heart that she, at least, was still real._

_It was Steve’s night to get up with her, so Tony gave a quiet knock before entering the dark bedroom. Fortunately, Steve was up and pacing the floor with the baby, gently bouncing her as he tried to get her back to sleep._

_Tony approached, reaching out to run a finger down her cheek, calming the slight anxiety he felt any time she wasn’t in his arms._

_“Bad dream?” Steve asked as he handed her over without question._

_At first, Tony didn’t think he would deign to answer, but then he surprised himself by nodding. He didn’t bother elaborating further, simply cuddling his daughter to his chest and letting her dull the ever-present ache in his heart._

_In the three weeks since Steve had moved in, things hadn’t warmed between them. Anytime Tony missed his wife or regretted the past or exhaustion and stress caught up to him, he found himself lashing out at Steve. And Steve lashed back, the grief he kept pent up boiling its way to the surface every now and then after being constantly poked and prodded. It came to a head a couple of days ago, the men’s arguing rising to shouts that only stopped when they simultaneously realised they’d woken the baby, who looked terrified as they both immediately_ ran _to comfort her._

_They hadn’t argued like that since._

_Eventually, the three of them had developed their own rhythm, and Tony could admit it was nice to have help. He had openly cackled the first time Steve had changed the baby, recording it for “posterity” while not offering a single shred of help, tears of laughter in his eyes as he watched Steve realise things were backwards and start again, only for Natasha to relieve herself once he’d taken everything off._

_They had more than once run into each other (literally) in the middle of the night while both attempting to make the wailing baby a bottle. They’d finally compromised and had worked out a sort of shift schedule, and now Tony had been able to sleep a little longer between the nights she was in his room, and Steve learned how to tend the baby alone on the nights she was in his._

_Little by little, they started learning to live together. Steve had begun silently making enough for 2 every time he cooked, meaning Tony had (begrudgingly) started eating actual food again. One day Steve passed by the open door to one of the other guest rooms to discover Tony had emptied it and set an easel in the corner, though the engineer never bothered to mention the studio, nor had he seemed ready to discuss it, other than to nod and turn up his music when Steve had offered his gratitude._

_One day, Happy delivered Pepper’s final gift: a clock in the shape of the famed arc reactor Tony had invented to change the world with clean energy. It had Tony and Pepper’s wedding date, the date he stopped making weapons and turned to helping people, and Natasha’s birthdate, each etched on one of the three lines of the triangle, along with the inscription- “Your Greatest Power was Never Your Mind,” inscribed around it. Tony spent that day holed up in his room, only coming out when Steve was putting Natasha down for the night._

_“I’m tired,” he declared._

_“That’s why I have her,” Steve reminded him bemusedly._

_“No. I’m tired of being so angry. Of being alone and… hating you. I don’t want her to grow up in a house filled with tension and misery. I want- I just want peace.”_

_Steve looked at him, then confided, “You know she called me, after that day in the lab. Said she was sorry about what happened between you and me, that she hadn’t told me herself, that I didn’t deserve to… Anyway, she said she hoped I’d get to meet the baby someday, that I’d get to be a part of their life since I was a part of their life-story. And she said she hoped you and I could find our way back to being friends, someday.” Steve’s eyes become more and more moist the longer he goes on._

_The two assessed each other for a long moment, before Steve nodded and a weight was lifted off both their shoulders as they exhaled._

_“I want peace, too.”_

* * *

_Present Day_

“Gee, Tony, I’m not sure I _am_ ready for tomorrow,” Steve confided.

Tony fidgeted for a moment, then spread his arms out on the back of the sofa.

“Well, Bucky Badger _may_ have a special camera attached to that arm of his…” He stared up at the ceiling.

“Tony!”

“What?” he sat up innocently.

“How many times have I told you to stop messing with Bucky’s arm? It’s fine the way it is, it’s not a toy at your disposal.”

“But it’s all-“

“It’s fine,” Steve insisted for the millionth time. “And our girl will be fine without any top-secret spy equipment accompanying her to school.”

“It’s hardly top secr-“ Tony rolls his eyes at the glare Steve is giving him; Tony and Natasha call it his ‘I’m the Captain, I’m the Boss, and I’m Disappointed’ glare. “Fine. But what if she falls down on the playground?” he argues.

“Then she’ll get back up, dust herself off, and keep playing,” Steve declares confidently. 

Tony huffs but promises he’d take the camera out in the morning. He doesn’t need to know Steve is just repeating what Maria Rhodes ( _née_ Hill) had told him when he had voiced the same concern to her.

The next day, Happy drives Tony, Steve, and Natasha to her first day of school. At the door, she hugs them both tightly, then turns around, lifts her head bravely, and walks in. She doesn’t cry or waver at all once she decides she’s going inside, just clasps Bucky Badger in one of her small hands and finds the seat the teacher had shown her during orientation.

Tony and Steve are so proud of her they could burst, but it only takes a small nod between them for both men to hunch and join the small group of parents ducking beneath a window, watching their children’s first day. They stay there an hour, watching as Natasha not only quietly listens to the teacher, but also makes easy conversation with several other children in class.

Finally, they go back to the Tower, where Tony immediately heads down to his lab to meet Bruce, and Steve goes down to the tower gym. Later, Steve brings Tony and Bruce lunch in the lab, as he often does, and they all sit and discuss a new charity Maria and Rhodey wanted them to get SI involved in. Steve goes back up to the penthouse to try to get in some studio time and Tony and Bruce get back to work. A few hours later, Tony looks up at the clock that now hangs in his lab, and he starts cleaning up mid-project to go pick up Natasha. Bruce chuckles to himself, waving Tony off when he asks what’s funny.

All the way home, Natasha regales Tony and Steve with stories about her day. They smile at her and ask questions about class she’s all too eager to answer, and then they ask her about any friends she’s made.

She mentions a girl named Yelena and a boy named Matt and a girl named Kitty, who turns out to be Emma Frost’s foster-daughter. Tony makes a mental note to call his old friend and tease her a bit. Finally, once she’s gone through all she’s learned that day and all she’s observed, she gets a sly smile on her face as she glances up at Steve.

“Miss Gail isn’t married, you know,” she prompts him.

Steve raises an eyebrow at her, then looks to Tony, who just smirks and looks out the window, offering no help at all.

“No, I didn’t know,” he answers Natasha slowly. “How do _you_ know?”

“I asked her,” she replies bluntly, causing Tony to snort. “And she’s real pretty. I bet if you asked her to be your girlfriend, she’d say yes.”

Tony isn’t bothering to hide his silent laughter at this point, so Steve glares at him. His face is bright red when he looks back down and addresses Natasha.

“Why would I need a girlfriend, when my best girl is right here?” he questions, poking her side. She giggles and swats at his hand. Then she scans his face.

“I’m your best girl?” she probes cautiously.

He bends down and kisses the top of her head, ruffling the hair Janet had painstakingly styled for her that morning.

“Always will be.”

When her mouth tilts in a small smile, Tony leans down and kisses her head as well, before pulling her in for a side hug.

“Mine too.”

She leans comfortably against Tony and holds Steve’s hand the rest of the car ride home.


	13. Chapter 13

_Tony_

“Stakes?” Steve asks as he shuffles the cards expertly.

“Winner gets to choose which pet we’re getting.” Tony challenges. Natasha had been asking for the last two years for a pet, and they finally decided that now, at 9 years old, she was… mostly responsible enough for one. 

The only problem had been deciding on _which_ pet to get. The argument over it had been going on for 4 months now, mostly between Tony and Steve, since Natasha insisted she just _wanted_ _any_ pet, not _a specific_ pet.

“You’re on,” Steve responds, and the two men prepare for the game of the century.

…

20 minutes and 3 tied games later, Tony and Steve are glaring accusingly at each other.

“You’re cheating!” Steve charges.

“No, you are!”

“Stop counting cards, Tony!” Steve warns.

“One, that hurts, Rogers. I’m a genius. I don’t have to count- it just happens! Two, I’m not gonna gain victory by cheating. I’m planning on winning my designer Savannah kitten, bred to perfection just for me- fair and square.”

“No, you’re going to cheat _me_ out of my mature shelter dog with your inescapable desire to win at all costs!”

“Be careful, Rogers. Of the two of us, _I_ have never cheated,” Tony growls lowly, before a realisation comes over both of them.

They simultaneously stare first at each other, then turn in sync to look at the third person in the room, whose mouth lifts up in a slow, sly smile.

“Natasha Abigail Stark-” Tony begins.

“So, you were just going to watch us argue and sit there quietly?” Steve demands with his (now abbreviated) “Captain Scoldy” face. Natasha smirks outright, please with herself.

“What I want to know is _who_ taught you to cheat at _Go Fish?!_ ” Tony sputters indignantly, upset he hadn’t taught her himself years ago.

She shrugs, and casually mentions Bruce and Rhodey may have shown her a thing or two. Then, she places her final matching pair on the table and clasps her hands together.

“I believe we agreed the winner of this game gets to choose the pet? Or, should I say, since I won, the _pets?_ ”

Steve and Tony stare at each other in fear of what they’ve created.

* * *

There’s a commotion downstairs as Steve is cooking dinner. He calls Tony up from his lab to tell him “ _they’re fighting again.”_

Thor, Steve’s German Shepherd rescue dog and Loki, Tony’s designer Savannah cat, haven’t seemed to get along since they brought each of them home- except when they’re trying to get cuddles from Natasha, or when Loki is watching Thor chase his ball around in circles from his elaborate cat palace.

Today, Loki is yowling, and Thor is trying to catch him while Steve holds him back with his huge arms, until Tony bends and offers Loki his own arms as shelter. Loki looks haughtily down at Thor, lazily taunting him with his tail as Thor licks his lips and whines at the loss of his best playmate/worst enemy.

Both pets and owners seem to be at a bit of a stalemate, until Steve’s phone rings. He met his new friend Sam at the animal shelter, and Sam decided to adopt both Steve and Natasha nearly immediately. Tony… was another story. Though not unfriendly toward Tony, Sam’s ever-present smile seems to shrink slightly in his presence. Whenever Sam comes over for dinner, Tony seems to have a project in the lab he has to work on. And since Sam first met Wanda, he’s been coming over a lot more often.

Today, however, he provides a much-needed distraction for the energetic hound in Steve’s arms. Steve grabs Thor’s leash and calls Nat to see if she wants to meet Sam and his three-legged dog Buchanan at the dog park. She races out, excited, and pulls Steve along behind her.

“Bye, Daddy!” she calls out with a wave back to Tony.

Tony sighs, looking around the empty penthouse.

“Well, it looks like it’s just you and me, Lokes,” he declares, then carries Loki down to his lab with him.


	14. Chapter 14

_Tony_

Tony and Steve had stayed up all night for days on end when Natasha had colic, both terrified and as miserable as the baby in their arms as they took turns holding her in the bathroom, steam wafting all around them. Teething broke their hearts every time she cut a new tooth and spent days with fever, in pain, and gnawing at anything within her reach.

The first time she had walked from Steve’s arms to Tony’s without the aid of a steadying hand had made their stomachs jolt with pride, and they’d had a celebration none of their friends had the heart to say was too dramatic. Natasha was an inquisitive child who kept them both constantly terrified when she figured out how to bypass certain baby-proofing measures or when she found her way into any hidey hole imaginable, only to giggle when they located her after hours (or a couple of minutes that seemed like hours, if not days) of frantic searching. And, rather than help the two men teach the intelligently creative child boundaries, Rhodey and Bruce both laughed at them and showed her even more ways to give Tony and Steve heart attacks.

The time she disappeared at the playground, Tony had imagined the very worse-case scenarios about what had happened to his girl, only to hear her squeal as she came down an enclosed slide and he realised it _could_ take only a half a second for his nightmares to come to pass. Steve must have imagined the same things, because he ran to the toddler, picked her up, hugged her tightly to himself, and suggested they go home immediately. Though it sounded like a great idea to Tony, he looked around at all the amused faces of other parents around them, kissed her head, then took her from Steve’s arms and set her down, telling her to go play, but only where they could see her. The two men spent the rest of the hour sitting tensely, watching her like a hawk, until a couple of mothers took pity on them and assured them that they would get used to it eventually.

When Tony taught her how to ride a bike and she’d fallen without him holding on, he was ready to rush her to the hospital then and there, even though she had calmed _him_ down and told him it was just a scraped knee. Steve had caught her when she leaped from the tree she’d climbed, and she had simply shrugged and told him she knew he wouldn’t let her fall when he loudly scolded her for it.

In preparing for her first father-daughter dance, Natasha and Tony had giggled and twirled around the penthouse excitedly. Then, she got the resolute look on her face both men knew so well, and she set her shoulders and went up to Steve, placing his hands on her waist, and tried in vain to teach him to move fluidly. When he told her it was fine, he wasn’t much of a dancer, she looked up at him with those big green eyes he was so powerless to deny and begged him to go to the dance with her and Tony. He sighed and tried to put his feet where she directed, determined to get this right so he wouldn’t embarrass her. He spent the week practicing every moment he got (even asking Sam to practice with him, which his friend vehemently refused to do, but he was kind enough to call his fiancée, and Wanda was happy to come over to help, and only laughed a little). The night of the dance, Natasha spent the night giggling and trading off dances between Tony and Steve, who had improved enough he only stepped on her feet twice.

They’d discovered the magical healing powers of cheeseburgers, ice cream, and hot cocoa when Yelena moved away, and she cried for her best friend.

They filmed recitals and tournaments, clapping louder for her than many other parents, much to her pleased embarrassment, when Natasha joined ballet and judo.

When she had her first week-long summer camp away from home, Bruce and Rhodey intervened and sent Tony to a 5-day conference with Frost Industries and Xavier Enterprises, and Janet Pym signed Steve up as an art teacher at the Tower’s day-care centre, to ensure both men were sufficiently distracted.

Her first period was a nerve-wrecking, the two men trying to explain something neither had ever experienced in the most straightforward of terms, until Wanda walked in with Emma Frost, who had brought Kitty over for a sleepover. Emma saw what was happening and stopped both men instantly with a raised eyebrow. When Natasha turned to the women and gave them a _look_ that said, “Isn’t it cute they’re trying?” Emma smiled in amusement, reached her hand out for Natasha, and with a nod of permission from the smirking Tony and a blushing Steve, the four females walked out of the apartment. Wanda called Maria and Emma called Janet, and they all took Natasha and Kitty for a girls’ day so the two of them could get some real-life answers to their questions. Natasha came back with a manicure, her hair styled, and light make-up, and suddenly Tony and Steve’s nerves were wrecked for entirely different reasons.

When Happy offered to teach her to drive, both men had insisted on being in the car with her the first few times, until Happy took pity on her and rolled up the privacy divider.

Suffice to say, Tony and Steve had spent the majority of Natasha’s life in various degrees of worry, anxiety, and hoping for the best.

But this- this was the most terrifying thing they’d faced yet: a sixteen-year-old boy interested in their sixteen-year-old girl.

They should have expected this when she started talking about the various boys in her class in more and more conversations. But she never seemed focused on any specific one whenever she casually brought up the idea of dating. Like when Tony came back from an extended business trip. Or at the opening of another one of Steve’s art exhibits. And at the supper table.

On second thought, they should not have been surprised at all.

But a few days ago, she had come home and sighed, getting a day-dreamy look in her eyes both intuitively knew meant trouble. When she said a boy had asked her to the dance in a week, Steve’s eyes went wide with panic, and Tony reflexively said, “Absolutely not.”

As Natasha’s shock slowly began to morph into anger, Steve hold up a hand and indicates he would talk to him. She storms off, muttering under her breath before slamming the door to her room.

Tony scrubs a hand down his face and says, “Yeah. It just came out.”

“Do you not want her to go?”

“Of course I don’t _want_ her to go. But of course, I also do,” Tony sighs. “I just remember what I was doing when I was 16,” he reminisces dejectedly.

“You were halfway through university,” Steve reminds him dryly. “Besides, she is _not_ you.” He continues quickly, ploughing through any latent feelings that statement brings up. “She also isn’t dealing with being the smartest kid in the class who everyone underestimates.”

“No, she’s dealing with being the smartest kid in class who everyone _knows_ is the smartest kid in class.” Tony chuckles, then looked toward her room wistfully. “Whose idea was it to let her grow up anyway?” he muses.

“Definitely not mine,” Steve agrees, looking toward the locked room where she is probably brooding. “Besides,” he huffs, “If we don’t say yes, she’ll probably figure out a way to sneak out.”

Tony snorts.

“She probably already figured out a dozen the second I said no.”

They both chuckle in agreement.

* * *

Tony knocks on her door a little while later with a bouquet of long-stem yellow roses and lavender tulips.

“So, turns out I don’t like the idea of you growing up so much,” he confesses, cautiously offering her the bouquet. She stares him down, not reaching for them.

“Yeah. I deserve that,” he admits, laying them on her desk. Then he rolls his eyes, and sighs. “Tell me about this boy.”

She assesses him, narrowing her eyes, Pepper’s eyes, and making him squirm. Once he’s sufficiently uncomfortable, she gets up and grabs the bouquet.

“Only if you promise not to background check him,” she offers loftily.

“Scouts honour,” he promises.

She raises her voice.

“That means you too, Uncle Steve.”

Steve snickers nervously as he opens the closed bedroom door, caught out.

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Nat.”

“Yes, you would,” she replies confidently, studying her flowers. Then she looks sideways at Tony.

“It’s really okay?”

“We can go shopping tomorrow, if you want.”

Her face lights up, and she nods once, biting her lip.

“Now, about this boy,” Steve reminds her, indicating she should speak.

She hugs Bucky Badger to her chest and gives him a squeeze.

“Well, his name is Alexei…”

* * *

The big night comes, and the compromises Tony and Steve offer Natasha not to background check her date are:

They both meet him before the dance.

She answers her phone if they call, but they promise not to call more than once except if there’s an emergency.

She promises to use her Judo should the need arise.

She promises to be home by the agreed-upon time

It is a relatively short list, and it’s pared down drastically from the one Tony and Steve originally tried for.

When the poor boy had made his way all the way up to the heavily-fortified penthouse before standing nervously in front of his date’s parents, Tony and Steve assess him, then cross their arms at the same time, presenting a (intimidating) united front.

“So, Alexei. This is what you need to know if you’re taking out our girl,” Steve starts.

After giving the boy their list of expectations, they ask him a few questions, which fortunately, are simply modified versions of the questions they ask every friend of Natasha’s. She only has to give Tony a warning look once before Alexei stands up and offers her his hand.

And after taking a few photos, their Natasha is turning and going out on her very first date.

They both hug her before (sincerely) telling both of the teenagers to have fun.

And they are both exceptionally well-behaved and only text her once to settle an argument about bananas.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of Natasha's behaviours and agreements come from growing up with a father who struggles with anxiety, not just because she thinks constantly calling her dad when she's out and about is the height of fun.

_Steve_

Since Alexei and the “he was nice, and funny, but I don’t think we’re meant to be forever, you know?” date, there had been a few more. She and Matt Murdock had tried to make a go of it, but the fact they’d known each other since they were 5 made him feel too much like a friend and not at all like a boyfriend. Tony had gotten much better at handling Natasha’s dating and social habits, and together with Steve they’d established ground rules on having a life as a teenager who occasionally went on a date but mostly used the Stark name to open doors with her friends.

She knows the rules well and is ready to repeat them anytime she feels (mostly) her dad or Uncle Steve need reassurance as she gets ready to leave:

  * She must be contactable at all times, no exception
  * At least one of them must meet any boy _before_ a first date
  * If she’s leaving the tower, she tells them where she’s going and who she’s going to be with
  * If she’s staying in the tower, her door must remain unlocked at all times
  * Tony or Steve reserved the right to check her phone and messages at any time for any reason or no reason at all.
  * If she finds herself in over her head, even doing things she shouldn’t be doing, she is to call Tony (who would be most apt to panic), and he or Steve would pick her up immediately, no questions asked.



Things had been going well with _the rules_ in place. Tony had bought her a car last year, but often if he was available, she still asks Happy to drive her and her friends. Their dynamic is changing, but it somehow feels as though they are on the precipice of something big, and none of them can stop it or predict it, but they could weather it together.

Steve, along with owning a small gallery, also now owns his own studio, where he helps veterans struggling with PTSD through art. Sam, Maria, and Abigail Brand had come to him with the idea, and three years later he was becoming even more well-known in both military and artistic circles.

Tony and Janet were making arrangements to merge Stark Industries’ prosthetic division with Frost Industries and Xavier Enterprises resources, and they had the potential be make some of the greatest medical advancements in the western world (the greatest advancements were being made by T’Challa’s company Panther, Inc., but Tony had learned years ago not even he could compete with T’Challa’s genius sister).

And Natasha, well, Natasha has her first official boyfriend. And neither Tony nor Steve were really happy about it.

Nick Fury is a cocky, serious, sarcastic teenage boy who exuded an air of mystery. Though always respectful and confident, he really irritates Tony, who has tried to joke with him a few times only to be met with hard stares and a piercing gaze. Steve can’t pinpoint what makes him wary, since Nick seems to really admire and respect Natasha, and never talks down to her as one or two of her other dates had. And though Natasha thinks he is the best thing to ever happen to her, this is the first time it is the boy itself of whom Tony disapproves, rather than the situation.

The tension between Natasha and Tony is palpable these days. They trade the occasional sarcastic barb, but as of yet hadn’t fully argued. Steve can feel the tension building in their once-peaceful home, and he waits for the day it would explode.

* * *

_Natasha_

When Natasha was young, she always imagined her mother as a beautiful princess who had magical fairy powers and used them to save everyone she met. In all the stories her dad would tell her, her mother was his own personal superhero. Her Uncle Steve used to say that’s why she had to go away, so she could better watch over and protect Natasha and Tony from afar.

Perhaps her father always thought of her mother that way, which is why he reacts as badly as he does when she talks about her own love of her life.

“Nick thinks I should take a year off, travel a bit before going off to school,” is how the argument begins.

She knows her dad doesn’t fully trust Nick, but he has always been cordial to him. This news, however, is what finally breaks the brewing tension between them. Suddenly, her dad is telling her in no uncertain terms that that isn’t an option, and the two have been arguing ever since.

“I just don’t understand what the big deal is!” Natasha finally throws her arms up, frustrated.

“You used to make your own decisions about your life! Remember that?!” he responds, equally aggravated. “Now all of a sudden, he doesn’t want you in school and you just- what, you’re going to do whatever he says?! He doesn’t even make you laugh, Natasha! You never laugh with him!” Tony shouts, and Uncle Steve, who had come in to run interference, freezes and gets a look in his eyes as though he has just realised something.

“I do so!” she shouts back, looking to Steve for back-up. She becomes absolutely enraged when he meets her eyes sadly and gives a small shake of his head. She stares between them, then crosses her arms over her chest as she’s seen them do a million times, her own personal armour against a world that is falling apart.

Her dad sees this and sighs deeply, before he walks toward her, hands raised in a show of peace.

“Look, Kiddo. I want you to be happy, I do. And if you want to do something else after you graduate, that’s fine. But, whatever it is, it _can’t_ be because a boy told you it’s something you need to do. Especially this boy. He’s- I don’t know, Natasha, I just don’t trust him. I think he’s hiding something.”

That does it. Her emotions burst inside her, and she realises her dad will never really understand.

“I hate you!” she yells as she backs away from him. She suddenly needs space from a father who doesn’t know what it means to be in love with someone with imperfections and an uncle who always seems to side with her dad no matter what. She dodges her dad’s outstretched arms and shoves past Uncle Steve, who tries to stop her as well when she grabs her phone and keys and stomps to the front door. 

“I’m sorry he’s not as perfect as Mom was, Dad, but Nick understands me in a way no one else does. And if you can’t understand that, then I have nothing to say to you!” she slams the door open.

“Where do you think you are going?!” Tony demands angrily.

“ _Out!”_ she yells.

* * *

_Steve_

There have only been 3 times since Natasha was born that Steve thinks Tony seriously, seriously wishes he still drank:

when Pepper died

when Natasha was 7 and told him she hated him the first time and decided she wanted to run away from home (She ran all the way up to Rhodey’s office and spent the day with him hiding under his desk while he helped her “figure out her plan,” until it was almost suppertime and he reminded her Steve was making vegan lasagne and her daddy was probably going to try to add meat sauce when he wasn’t looking but his Little Buddy wasn’t there to distract Uncle Steve.)

today, when he realised that he’d spent so long putting Pepper on a pedestal for her daughter that Natasha would have a hard time imagining the flawed person her mother actually used to be.

Steve’s staring at Tony, who’s sitting on the sofa with his hands in his hair and lost in thought.

“Do you think I was wrong?” he asks suddenly.

“No,” Steve sighs. “But I think she’s young, thinks she’s in love with someone she’s dated all of 2 months, and won’t know any better until she’s 30.”

“That when you knew better?” Tony asks with a grin.

“Well, I was raising a two-year-old at the time. I didn’t know anything.” He reminds with a laugh.

Tony nods, rubbing his chest. Steve understands how he feels. Whether they know she’s speaking from anger or not, when their kid tells them she hates them, it’s the most painful sensation there is.

“Wish I would have known _then_ how easy we had it. When she ran, she always waited for me to catch up.”

“No, you were always _able_ to catch up, there’s a difference.” Steve says philosophically.

“Yeah, there is,” he agrees. Loki comes over demanding attention, and Tony absently strokes his fur, lost in thought.

He begins tapping on his chest again with the hand not petting his cat, and then he looks up at Steve, a hesitant expression on his face.

“Listen, there’s something the three of us need to discuss when she gets back. Something I should have told you two a while ago,” he breathes out, and Steve tries to read the hesitancy on his face.

“Okay,” Steve replies, curious. “Is it something I’ll need to take Nat out for afterwards, or something I’ll want to hit you for?”

“Hopefully, neither, but-“

Tony stops as his phone rings, lunging for it and answering immediately.

“Natasha?” Suddenly, he goes completely white, his voice carefully void of all emotion, and a cold ball of dread settles in Steve’s stomach at the sound. “This is her father.”

He tenses up at the look of terror on Tony’s face, mentally preparing himself as he feels his adrenaline rush through his body.

“We’ll be right there,” Tony says tersely, standing and squeezing his fists together as tightly as his eyes before he turns to Steve and utters the most petrifying sentence Steve has ever heard in his life.

“Natasha’s been in an accident.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Embrace the cheesy!  
> And the fictional doctor who gives out and pries more information than a doctor actually would.

_Tony_

“What happened?” Tony and Steve ask in unison the second they arrive at the hospital. They are being led to Natasha’s room by a nurse. Tony feels like he’s walking through a fog. 

On the way they pass Nick’s room, where they see the right side of his face has been badly beaten up and he has a bandage over his eye. They see a policeman, taking a statement from another teenager with scrapes all down his arms and a large bruise on his head.

When they get to Natasha’s room, both run inside. The doctor’s not in there, so Steve frantically runs out past the startled nurse to find one. Tony’s too focused on his girl to object, just wanting _information._

Natasha looks so pale and weak, but she opens her eyes briefly, smiles, and says, “Daddy.”

And then she passes out.

It’s too much. Too much like another time when the person around whom his world revolved lay in a similar bed, looking weak and vulnerable and Tony can’t _fix_ it even though that’s what he does- he fixes things. He can feel panic well up in him, taking deep, calming breaths and fighting it down with everything in him and demands _someone_ tells him what was happening to his daughter.

The doctor arrives and pulls Tony outside to talk. Tony gestures to Steve and insists he’s allowed all information as well. She nods and they follow her to her office, where she tells them that Nick was driving Natasha’s car, which got hit by an oncoming truck. Nick had acted quickly, trying to swerve the car to take the brunt of the impact, causing massive damage to his left side. Both kids were immediately knocked unconscious. They were pulled out of the wreckage and away from the intersection before being rushed to the hospital. Unfortunately, the force of the impact still managed to cause severe damage to Natasha’s kidneys.

Tony feels his world shrinking, his heartrate picking up, and then he feels a hand on his shoulder. Steve is still staring straight ahead, listening to the doctor speak, but keeps a steadying hand in place, grounding Tony.

The doctor looks at both of them in pity and tells them Natasha will need a kidney transplant. She has been added to the donor list, but she would need to stay in hospital. And though she keeps going in and out of consciousness, she should remain stable for a few days.

Tony starts to turn to look at Steve, but before he can, Steve blurts out, “Take mine.”

The doctor glances between them, and something must register, because she simply nods and tells him she’ll have the tests prepared.

Tony and Steve have a silent conversation, realising that after all this time, they’ll have to finally tell Natasha the truth about “Uncle Steve.” They seem to come to an agreement, and Tony nods and exhales loudly before saying, “Okay.”

Steve goes into Natasha’s room first, carefully brushing her hair from her face and smiling sadly at her. He leans down and busses a kiss across her forehead, stroking her cheek with his thumb.

“Love you, Nat,” he promises. “You’re going to be okay.”

The nurse comes in to take Steve for testing, and Tony takes his spot in the chair next to Natasha’s bed. He grabs her hand and closes his eyes, willing her to get better again.

She wakes up, disoriented for a moment, then finds his face and smiles.

He gives her a weepy smile back.

“Hey Little Buddy. How you feeling?” he asks.

She shifts a bit, then grimaces.

“Like chopped liver,” she grunts out, trying to smile at her own joke. Tony manages to huff out a laugh for the effort. “I’m sorry, Daddy. You were right, I shouldn’t have-“

“Hey, no. Don’t be sorry. You’re not allowed to be sorry. Not now.” He kisses her hand, then smoothes her hair back some more, looking at her bruised face. “Nat, Kid. Listen. We’ve got to talk… and it’s not going to be easy.”

She looks at him critically, her mother’s eyes and hair and expressions and he feels like he’s about to betray Pepper’s confidence by what he has to say.

“Something’s wrong,” Natasha whispers, reading it off him.

“Yeah. It is. You need a new kidney, Sweetie. It- it’s pretty serious.”

She looks away from him, processing this new information. Tony takes a deep breath and gives her hand a light squeeze.

“Uncle Steve has gone for testing.”

She looks up at him sharply, a furrow in her brow.

“But-“

Tony shakes his head, ploughing on.

“Kiddo…Something happened. Before you were born. Your mom… well, she was amazing. The most wonderful person I’ve ever met. But, she wasn’t perfect-“

“Dad-“ Natasha reaches weakly for his face, trying to stop him from talking. He pulls back, clutching her hand tighter.

“No, I should have told you this years ago. I just thought, hoped really, it didn’t matter-“

Natasha finally does reach up, guiding his face so their eyes meet.

“Daddy, listen! I know about Mom and Uncle Steve. I know how I was made- how I was born.”

Tony’s breath catches in his chest, and it takes a long while before he’s able to exhale fully.

“ _How_?” is all he’s able to get out when his brain reconnects.

Natasha shrugs lightly, then hisses when the movement jars her.

“Happy told me when I was 10. Well, Bruce started to after having a few too many, but then Happy thought it would be better if I got the whole story.”

Tony is still gobsmacked, and frustrated at his friend.

“I swear that man acts like sweet, mild-manner scientist, but get a few drinks in him and he’s an uncontrollable monster.” He shakes his head, then refocuses on Natasha. “I’m sorry, Sweetie. I just thought-“

She stops him, giving a groan as she moves to get comfortable even though he can see it pains her.

“I know. I love you, Dad. I always have. And I love the life you chose for me, all of it- with you and Uncle Steve and our family. I wouldn’t change it.” She gives him a small smile as her energy starts to fade. “Thanks for loving me, even when you weren’t sure.”

“I was always sure,” Tony swears seriously. “From the second I found out about you; you listen to me, Natasha Stark. You are _mine._ Unconditionally, irrevocably. This- it doesn’t have to change _anything_ if you don’t want it to.”

She shakes her head slightly, fighting to stay awake.

“Want to stay with you, Dad. Always,” she mumbles.

He ignores the wetness in his eyes as he pulls up their clasped hands, kissing hers, before setting it down on the bed.

“Get some sleep, Kiddo.”

She’s out before he finishes his sentence.

* * *

He stands when there is a knock on the door, walking out and closing it behind him so no one would wake Natasha.

Steve is standing there, a frantic, confused, desperate look on his face, and he refuses to meet Tony’s eyes as his own rapidly shift back and forth. He shakes his head and steps back when Tony reaches for him, still not looking him in the eye.

“Tony, the doctor… has some news. I… I gotta go,” he sputters, turning and walking out quickly, both hands in his pockets and his head down, a familiar move Tony knows means he is trying to make himself smaller somehow. A sudden fear grips Tony as he faces the doctor alone. Was something wrong with Steve’s kidneys, too?

The doctor is staring at Tony curiously, ignoring the man walking away.

“Mr. Stark, Mr. Rogers tells me he’s Natasha’s biological father.”

Tony swallows, his mouth suddenly dry as he faces a fact he’s spent 17 years happy to deny.

“That’s right. My,” he takes a deep breath, “my wife was her mother.”

The doctor looks at him in pity.

“But Mr. Stark, Natasha is AB-“

Tony stares back, confused, before nodding.

“So was Pepper.”

“Mr. Rogers is O+.” The doctor points toward where Steve has just rushed off. “Mr. Stark, that makes it virtually impossible for him to be biologically related to Natasha in any way.”

The world seems to stand still, and Tony’s heart beats loudly in his ears.

“But, then-“ he begins, unable to finish his sentence.

“Mr. Stark, what is your blood type?” The doctor prompts him.

He looks up, disbelief coursing through his body until he says the words aloud, not fully processing them at first.

“So… she’s mine? She was always mine? She… she’s my kid? She’s _mine_?”


	17. Chapter 17

_Steve_

It’s so late it’s early when Tony finally gets home. He finds Steve in the gym, ferociously hitting a punching bag as though his life depends on it.

He stands there a moment, hands in his pockets, bouncing on his toes before he obviously can’t take the silence any longer.

“Keep hitting it like that and you’ll knock that thing off its hinges.”

Steve punches once more with considerable strength before he stops, reaching out and holding the bag in place.

“What do you want, Tony?” he asks with a sigh, not bothering to turn around. He wasn’t in the mood for anything Tony had to say.

“So, it turns out, I’m going to be losing a kidney in a couple of days,” Tony mentions, swaggering around the gym as he tries to process everything.

Steve begins hitting the bag again.

“Congratulations,” he gets out drily, trying not to blame Tony for the emotions welling up in him.

Tony is still ambling around, half in a daze.

“I can’t believe, knowing, after all this time- I gotta say, I thought it would feel different,” he babbles.

Steve stops the bag again, looking at the floor as he shakes his head.

“Look, Tony. I’m happy for you. Well, I’m sure I will be, someday. But I’ve kind of had a heck of a day, and I’ve got a new apartment to look for, so if you don’t mind-“

“Apartment?” Tony asks, and he seems genuinely confused. “What on earth are you doing looking for a new apartment at a time like this?! Artists- always so overdramatic.”

Steve closes his eyes and clenches his teeth before exhaling loudly, still not looking at the other man.

“Tony, I was only here for her, and now it turns out that Natasha-“

“Is going to need help after surgery, and apparently, I’m going to be laid up for four to six weeks.” He comes up besides Steve, hands on his hips. “Don’t think you get to duck out of your responsibilities _now._ I’m going to need someone to administer my sponge baths,” he continues, and Steve knows he’s desperate by how close to pleading he sounds.

Steve does look up then, a question in his eyes. He appraises Tony as he always does, looking at him in a whole new light. Then he takes a step back, inhales deeply, and smiles at his friend, his family, shaking his head.

“Don’t worry. I’ll make sure someone hoses you down once a day,” he offers.

They stare at each other a little longer, a new understanding passing between them, before Tony squirms, apparently deciding things are officially awkward.

“I’m going to shower and get back to the hospital. You should too. Nat will be up soon. We both should be there when she wakes.”

Steve nods once.

“You’re a good man, Tony.”

He rolls his eyes as he walks away.

“Just grab that ridiculous badger she loves so much.” He says, muttering some more about “overdramatic artists” under his breath.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took some dramatic license with recovery time.

_Tony_

Tony hears voices at a distance, and he fights his way toward them as though he’s reaching through a black hole.

“Uncle Steve, is he gonna wake up soon?”

“They said it should be any minute now. There was a slight complication with his half of the surgery, but they were able to stabilise him in time. Just needed a little more attention.”

“That nurse Carter is cute, Uncle Steve. And I already checked, she’s single.”

“I already have my best girl, Nat.”

“Yes, but I’m going to be going to university soon. Two grown, hot, single men living alone in a huge tower? That’s just a waste. Come on, Uncle Steve. You’ve done the whole “guilt-penance” thing long enough. Please. For me??”

“She any good at sponge baths?” Tony manages to mutter.

“Daddy!” he hears Natasha squeal. “How’re you feeling?”

“Terrific. Like I got the guts ripped out of me.” He sees Natasha frown at his brilliant joke, then groans. “I need a cheeseburger…”

“Yeah, that’s not going to happen for a while,” Steve informs him.

Tony expends the energy to pout in his general direction.

“Now, that’s downright un-American of you, Rogers.”

Natasha grabs his hand, and he can see her sitting in a wheelchair beside his bed. He squeezes and smiles. She smiles back, then stares down at the bed.

“You were right about Nick, Daddy. Well, so was I. Turns out, he really did want me to travel around the world. He just kept mentioning all the things we could see and do… with Stark resources.”

“Hmm.” Tony moans, patting her hand. “He saw an opportunity and he took it. His morals might be a bit skewed, but he risked his life to save my baby girl when it mattered. Tell him I’ll write him a check and a reference, and he can see the world with my blessing.”

Natasha nods with a frown, but then her mouth quirks up in that small, sly smile of hers.

“He _is_ a good guy. He just tries to hide it sometimes.”

Steve helps Tony sit up when he sees him struggling.

“Well, this family might know something about that.”

Natasha looks between the two, then focuses on Tony and sighs loudly.

“Look. I’m sorry you felt you had to lie to me all this time, Daddy. And Uncle Steve. Though I understand why you did. Growing up was confusing enough with all the Full House references Sam, Rhodey, and Darcy made. Now we can add Reba and My Two Dads in, and I’ll be the complete poster child for a half-hour sitcom.”

“I gotta stop letting Steve introduce you to old shows.”

“But we’re working down a list! Next, we’re supposed to watch SOAP, then Benson, then the Nanny.”

He stares at the two of them, one eyebrow raised.

“What?” Steve asks.

“No Welcome Back, Kotter?”

Natasha smirks.

“We finished that one already. And I gotta say, I’m so confused!!!”

Tony laughs, then grimaces.

“Of course, you focus on the absurd while recovering from major surgery. I don’t know where you get that from.”

“Cheeseburger,” Steve coughs into his fist, putting both hands on the armrest of his chair and looking innocent when Tony glares at him.

“Probably from you,” Natasha reasons, serious for once.

Tony stares at her, and she stares back at him. He glances at Steve, then looks back at Natasha and breaks out in a wide grin.

“Yeah. Probably from me.”

She huffs, then looks down again at where she’s holding his hand clasped in hers.

“So… I wanted to mention… I love my mom, Dad. So much. But I never knew her. Not like you did. But I _do_ know Emma, and I love her, so that’s okay, too.”

Tony’s face goes tight, and Steve looks confused.

“What are you talking about, Nat?”

She gets a smug look as she raises an eyebrow at her father.

“Daddy didn’t want you and me to know he and Emma Frost eloped 5 years ago. That’s where he goes every time one of his business trips “gets extended.”’

“How did you-“

“I _know_ things, Dad. Get used to it.”

“Sometimes I forget how much you scare me, Kiddo.”

Natasha beams, quite pleased with herself.

Steve darts a look at Tony, who suddenly finds his IV very fascinating.

“Tony, you sly- seriously?! Five years?!”

He shrugs, then realises what a mistake that was and hisses through his teeth.

“Look, let’s not make this a thing. A _bigger_ thing. We’ve known each other forever; our kids are getting older and are getting ready to leave soon. I still miss Pepper, and I always will, but Em and I started hanging out more every time Bruce and Rhodey sent me to conferences with her company, and we realised it would be beneficial to our kids, and our companies as it turns out, if we… had a bit of insurance. In case anything happened to either one of us.”

He ignores the look of hurt that flashes in Steve’s eyes, more worried about the glint in Natasha’s.

“Janet, Rhodey, and Bruce are more than capable of handling SI, and Uncle Steve would have gotten custody and taken care of me, and you know that.”

Tony raises an eyebrow at her, fighting back a smirk of his own.

“Which means that was the excuse you gave because… you _love_ her,” she teases dramatically.

Tony rolls his eyes and huffs.

“I… Fine. Yes. I do, if you must know. We complement each other. She’s intelligent and sarcastic and capable, and is never afraid to put me in my place, but that doesn’t mean-“

“Does that mean she’s moving in?” Natasha asks eagerly.

“It means she hadn’t really gotten over Scott’s passing when we eloped, so I’m letting her set the pace, however slow it may be. But, we _have_ discussed living together full-time once you and Kitty graduate. And, she is coming here to check in on me once her plane lands tomorrow.”

Natasha squeals, and Steve is still shaking his head in shock when they hear a knock at the door.

It’s Nurse Carter, who closes the privacy screen around Tony as she goes over some exercises he’ll need to do and checks his bandages. When she re-opens the curtain, Tony is back in bed and she starts asking questions efficiently, typing the necessary information in his chart and not looking up from her tablet.

“I’ve been told you are single, and you work with struggling veterans,” she suddenly says in the same efficient tone she’s been using.

Tony and Natasha both leer at Steve, who has just realised she was addressing him. As usual, his tongue seems to tie in knots and his face goes bright red when faced with a beautiful woman.

“He’s also an artist and owns a rescue dog,” Tony offers, trying unsuccessfully not to chuckle.

“Yes,” Steve stammers awkwardly. “I call him Thor. Well, I named him Thor, because Tony got a cat named Loki and where there is a Loki there is always Thor, and-”

“And he wanted to know what time you get off tonight,” Natasha mercifully cuts him off, a wide grin on her face even as she shakes her head in a familiar disappointed gesture.

Nurse Carter raises an eyebrow.

“I have a double shift tonight,” she informs the room. Steve nods, his face falling dejectedly.

“But I’m free tomorrow evening,” she continues, writing something on a small pad. “You can call me after 6 and we’ll meet up for supper.” And she gives him her number. 

Steve is still trying to stutter out a reply, when Tony says, “He’s looking forward to it, nurse Carter.”

She winks at Steve as she turns to walk toward the door.

“Call me Peggy.”

“I know how to dance now!” he calls out eloquently as soon as she leaves the room, and Natasha and Tony actually facepalm, groaning for reasons that have nothing to do with their surgeries.

* * *

Once Emma comes by, she has Tony and Natasha moved to a joint room in her private wing of the hospital, and Tony’s eyes don’t stop following her the entire time she is there, making Steve and Natasha trade looks and grin. After assuring her that things were going well, Tony tells her to go home with Kitty and come back when she can. She stays until visiting hours are long over, and long after Steve nervously had left for his date.

The next day, there is once again a knock on the door. It’s the boy from the night of the accident who had been talking to the police, a bandage around one arm and a fading bruise on his face.

“Hey!” the teenager calls after he has let himself in.

“Oh! Hi!” greets Natasha, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear self-consciously.

He’s holding a single white carnation in his hand, and he thrusts it at her.

“Here.”

She takes it from him with a soft smile, looking at it reverently before gazing up at him.

“It’s beautiful,” she says, bringing it to her nose to smell.

He beams, sticking his unbandaged hand in his pocket as he nods a greeting to Tony and Steve, then focuses back on Natasha.

“How are you doing?” he asks sombrely.

She sniggers. “Better than my dad,” she points to Tony, who is still stuck laying flat as his body tries to heal.

He snorts out a laugh at that, shaking his head and grinning after.

Then she continues to gaze into his eyes as she says, “Dad, Uncle Steve, this is Clint. He’s the one who pulled Nick and me from the car and called the ambulance.”

Seeing the way the young man who seems like nothing but trouble stares at their daughter, and seeing the way their daughter stares back at him, Steve and Tony glance at each other, then simultaneously cross their arms, putting up a united front once again.


	19. Endings

“Tony, is now really the best time to be having this discussion?” Steve hisses. “As I recall, it was your idea that I move out.”

“That was the best thing for everyone,” Tony reminds him.

“Says _you_ ,” argues Steve stubbornly, as though they haven’t had this argument a dozen times.

“Both Natasha and Emma agreed with me.”

“I still maintain you three were overreacting.”

“Hey, there is no way any of us were willing to share our floor with honeymooners. Uh-uh. No way. I don’t need any more pain in my life.”

“Overreacting,” Steve huffs with an eyeroll.

“How is 104th floor life anyway?” Tony asks curiously.

“Not much different from 105th life, to be perfectly honest. And, before you ask _again,_ yes, I’m sure Nat will be perfectly fine on the 103rd floor. Just no more night-time roof walks.”

“How’s the missus like it?” Tony probes.

Steve chuckles.

“Peggy’s adaptable. But, let’s say she certainly wasn’t complaining when she moved in.”

They turned at the sound of an irritated voice.

“Tony! Steve! Hurry Up!”

“ _I’m_ ready, Rhodey,” Tony explains boldly. “It’s Rogers who keeps rambling on.”

Steve glares at him.

“Funny,” he utters dryly. He straightens his jacket, then reaches out and claps a hand on Tony’s shoulder, searching his eyes.

“You ready for this?” he asks.

“Not by half,” Tony replies. Steve nods.

“Good. Me neither.” He pats his shoulder comfortingly one more time, and they walk out of the room side by side.

* * *

_Natasha_

For twenty-five years they’d all walked side by side, day in and day out, and now it was all ending. This would be the last such walk the three of them took together like this, arm in arm, leaning on one another. They had faced lies and truths and pain and loss and happiness and tears and laughing so hard it hurt.

Natasha had spent twenty-five years with a dad who had always left his lab in time for supper and with a retired army captain who was as much a part of her family as they were his. She wore a locket containing a picture of a mother she had never known, feeling more beautiful than she ever had in her life as she held on equally to the two men who had raised her. The two men who had loved her unfailingly and had put her first in every aspect despite any of their own wants and needs her entire life.

And as she looks around, at Rhodey and Maria and their daughters, at Bruce and his best friend Betty and her husband Glenn, at Happy and Darcy, Sam and Wanda and their kids, at Janet and her husband Hank, at Emma and new her new Aunt Peggy, at Nick, and Kitty, and Thor and Loki who sat up obediently on their cushions, she knows she’d kept her mother’s promise. With such a big family, her father and Steve would never be alone again, despite the fact that she was letting go of both of them. Or perhaps they were finally letting go of her.

Either way, when she takes her first steps away from them and reaches for Clint, she knows they would always be where they had always been. Behind her, together.

“Who gives this woman to be wed?”

“ _We do.”_


End file.
